as I'm the worst of all.

I'm trying to paint a portrait...
but you don't look the same...
and everytime the brush hits the canvas...
All I draw are blanks...
Your eyes used to calm me
Your smile used to put me in a daze
I'm trying to capture them both...But you don't look the same
The person who's posing for me isn't the person I used to see

I keep painting and it's becoming clear The person I love just isn't here...

So now a blank portrait hangs in the gallery of my mind
No face just a frame
But it's ok you keep moving foward
And as for me it's back to the drawing board.

She says she loves me, but....

do you remember 12/29?

I do, I remember January 12th also...
I remember February 18th I remember everything.
I have a broken heart. You have a broken heart and we're both to damn "proud" to get them fixed.

fucked I know...

my friends all lie and say they only want the best wishes for me...

Hello blog world
How the fuck are you doing?

My birthday is approching and it's weird cause I'm not excited, but then again I never am...

I want MTV to give me a fucking tv show...
Or atleast my friend circle it'd be amazing to watch my life played out on a tv. Shit would be awesome as fuck. Me and Conz thought about it
They would have to 3 cameras following 3 of of us at all times it'd be great.
Matter of fact I think I'm going to write it in...

I'll cry...

You're everything I knew!

From roses to razorblades to words that mean less than either...we all pass them out.

I rode by the cemetary yesterday and it didn't hurt I just waved and kept going...
I used to mentally breakdown when that happened but now it's cool. I'd of course rather ride by an appartment complex or a place of work but oh well...

I am learning to enjoy the moment forgetting the past and not worrying about the future to much.

"Your memories are immortal, not you...but your memories and thoughts"- Berris (under the influence)
that was some deep shit for a high ass nigga to say...

Fuckin' Lions better do something this year or I'll be up-fucking-set as hell!

This post is all over the place I know...but fuck you! Lol

Someone needs to loan me like 250 bucks ASAP.

I want the "Raging Bull" Air Jordan V package, the Sidekick LX '09 or the samsung Memoir and another tattoo for my birthday...oh yea and my got damned baby back.

I'm afraid.
(Why are you afraid, Dino?)

I'm afraid because I don't think I'll be in your future...
and it'll be my own fault because soundtrack to suicide keeps playing on my mental stereo.

I've kinda come to terms with my mom not being around and that scares the fuck out of me as well. I feel like I forget to think about her un purposely (of course) but I still find my self forcing memories to come back to me. I feel like she's dying once more since all I know is mourning for her and now I'm not anymore and I'm not sure how to handle it. Like I feel if I'm happy about this I'll be wrong, and if I'm upset about it I'm also wrong.

I spent most of my life trying to find that comfort and once I found it. I was happy and then some signals got crossed and shit got switched and now I'm trying to get the comfort of that hug back.
I'm trying to get the girl who was so sure she wanted to be Mrs. Brandon J. Brown.
I understand she needs time to figure herself out. But I just wished it'd be quicker lol.
But we all know you can't rush perfection. (allthough she was already perfect in my eyes) I love you...and I hope things work out between us and if not then I hope things work out for both of us lol.

Well I'm outta here folks "Family Matters" is on and it's 5 in the morning.

are you ADHD!

N.E.R.D concert deux

Crowd surfed got dropped, moshed got punched,
Spazzing the fuck out...
I love my ever extending family I.e. friends

Kasey kicked my ass in MK vs. DC

Boomsheeka!

uhh chillin' here with Kasey. Got smacked with the nostalgia stick, all the crazy shit I did in 9th and 10th grade. I remember everyone thought me and N!kki P. were dating cause we made out like everyday damn near nonestop. I remember the promise I made to Kasey that once she "grew up" I'd date her. I remember that enormous foodfight in the lunch room. I remember being a "rapper" haha...

I'm not going to judge anyone by theire reputations, because today disproved a lot of shit.

Lets Jam!

Woke up to a swolen lip. Shit hurt like hell... I guess I bit my lip while I was sleep and caused it to happen.
I took out my lip ring... for about 10 mins and put it back in. (Painful but worth it.)

These past few days have been weird to say the least. I've pushed a few people to edge with my back against the wall. Nonetheless (is that one word?) it seemed like all that pushing was in vain since I feel I've become closer to you all, atleast it seems.

In other news Octopussy is on encore and it makes me want to be a spy. Like on some forserial shit how do you get a job like that?!
I always wondered what quilifies you to be great enough to be "assassinated" instead of being "murdered".
Not saying I want to be assassinated but I want to be great enough to the point were if I am murdered it would be. (If that makes any sense.)

Well those were my random thoughts of the day I'll holla niggas!

area codes.

1. Grr... we will never stop.
2. I'm diggin' you, you diggin' me. I just have a feeling we'll get stuck in the "friend zone"
3. I don't want to know yo life I really just wanna smash.
4. You cool, but you want to much and I just can't give it to you. I wish you would realize that.
5. Funny how time changes shit. Ain't it...?
6. Bestfriend exfriends to the end, better off as lovers but not the other way around.
7. Damn you Jamicans and Germans.
8. I wish we could get those old days back.
9. Come back, please...?
10. So you gay, but you like niggas but you gay so you like bitches...?
8+2 simple rules for dating somebodies daughter.

I'll admit I've always had lady problems. Probably always will. Eh..

this is a stick up.

Like you...
I don't know how to feel.

As the days go by I am losing the thought of "our daughter" the one you want to dress up in little swimsuits and parade her around. I am losing sight of our wedding day. I am losing site of us even hanging out on my birthday after your prom. =/

My feelings are still here but I don't know if I want them, only because I don't know where we stand anymore... and I am also tired of talking about I just want "us" back, and I understand you're not ready for that again and it hurts to know, but it'd be selfish to not let you get whatever it is you have out of your system.

Grr..

just shoot me.

Niggas be wildin'

I'm on my way to the free ass hell N.E.R.D concert. To bad it's all dark and gloomy lookin' oh well, Pretty much everybody important will be there haha.

I'm about to go holla at a few skeezers. Just to see if I still have it. Who the fuck am I kidding?! I am Brandon "Dino Mothafuckin" Brown. Of course I still have it. I made it and sold that shit to the masses. Haha.
Yea I got a big ego so swallow that or suck a dick either way I'm still the shit.

It's this creepy guy on the bus who won't stop looking at me. I can honestly say since I got my lip pierced I've been gettin a hell of a lot more judgmental looks. It's funny and fucked up all at the same time.

In other news I'm going to see my mommy tomorrow haven't went to see her since fall. We got a lot of catching up to do. I'm starting to except the fact she's not physically here a lot more within the past coupld of days. I know I'll probably never be 100% ok with that fact but I'm working on it.

Peace out pimps and pimpettes.

posting. setting. layout.

always strapped when I hit the club...
niggas give me dap...
bitches give me hugs.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?

If I'm a joke you're the punchline.
tomorrow will kick off an experiment.
I can not unveil the details just yet but if everything goes right
a few hearts will be broken
a few egos will be bruised
a few lies will be told
a few truths as well.
I few will see heaven
the rest will see....well
nothing in particular
oblivion will come to those who don't....
comply with I.

tell me something...

196 contacts in my phone.
1,026 friends on facebook
509 friends on myspace
16 followers on twitter
8 followers on blogspot. (Not including those who "sneak" follow me)

And I can't talk to any of them. I mean I could, but would they understand me? Would they judge me? Would they automactically stereotype me as a "problem child"?
Some say they don't judge and are open to except new things and ideas. But I know for a fact that's a lie. We do it unknowingly. We as people tend to stick to our "own kind" thus casting everyone else into their respective group. Some claim to be blind to societies standards and look at people for who they are but that again is impossible it's almost human instinct to want to be better than the next (wo)man. Constantly trying to one up someone even if it's our own selves. We must be the best. Good isn't ever good enough and better is even worse.

As much as I hope and pray for world peace I know it's damn near futile. A good friend of mine once said "there will never be world peace. Even if it's on man on earth, because it'll always be self-conflict" which made me think... what the fuck am I doing here?

Wanna Watch Lion King?!

Soooo I must admit when you speak of "V" it makes me sick.

I also must admit that the best part of beLIEve is the lie.
So believe me when I say that I'm lying.

Today I had a breakdown but it didn't last long thanks to the daring rescue of Thee Conz. Better know as Constance-Marie. I feel like I'm losing myself all over again though. Like I feel myself being more and more angry every day. I am not sure why I am becoming "meaner" but I just need some alone time to think.
I used to be afriad of being alone because my thoughst would run rampid and I'd scare the fuck out of myself with all the crazy shit I came up with. I think it's time to go back to "thoughtland" and face those demons that somehow find themselves at the forfront of my mind...

pick me! pick me! pick me!

I wish.
it's gunna suck when you lose everything.

Spy.

Don't ask for permission just ask for forgiveness.

Can you miss something you never really lost? 'Cause I sure as hell do miss myself.

I was looking at a pic of me in the 10th grade and I miss him.
I was Brandon then, not Dino, not Zew/Zoo, it was after Binky.
It was before the lovedrunk person who feels as if he can't stand alone.

I stood alone, by myself just me and my addictions I had no problems in the world.
I never showed my real eyes because of two reasons they were always bloodshot due to the lack of sleep and all the drugs. The other reason was because I didn't like people being able to view my soul. I liked my people like cross country racing I needed some distance. haha
but no one knew what was going on in my head not even me at some times. and I liked it. it gave me a edge if I felt threatened I could quickly shut down the fort and that'd be the it.
now I have friends that I actually care about and care about me... and I feel if anyone cares about you you will let them down at one point and time and vis versa. Which is where i get even more confused.

WHY THE FUCK DO I KEEP ALLOWING MYSELF TO GET HURT?

the drugs the drugs all the drugs.
I wish it was that easy to just go back to be being Brandon from the 10th grade.
but I know it would hurt everyone who cares and I just can't do that to them.
vicious Masochism cycle of pleasure, passion, and pain.

GuessWho

I know you missed me.

I've been on a roller coaster of emotions for the past week and a half.

eh.

"I am addicted to the way I feel when I think of you...."
you'll never know who that's about don't ask.

"I swallowed pride but spit out fire"
you'll also never know who that was about

"I'm the kind of kid who never lets anything go, but you wouldn't know a good thing if it came up in slit your throat."
again you'll never know.

"Prescribed pills to offset the shakes to offset the pills..."
you're gettin' good at this never knowing thing.

"Baby seasons change but people don't...."
nah, guess again.

"this story's getting old a home wrecker with a heart of gold."
yea, uhhh no.

toy soildiers

I should have just thrown it away when I had the chance buried with the corpse they put in the ground.

I still love you, but I feel like you love someone else and I can't handle it. I hate that (S)HE happened though.

I miss David, Jordan, and Kyle, I can not wait until the summer I have some shit to do.

applied to work at Cedar Point today, I really don't want to go but if i do it'll be an experience I guess.

Nostalgia is a bitch with teeth in her vagina.

strike

they way you move when you sleep.
the way you look before you leap.
the strange illusions that you keep.
you don't know what I'm noticing.

I've change for the worse.
I've started to care about the curse
I've got rid of the hunger and the thirst.
I miss the old me.

go ahead and pull the trigger
end the misery but don't stop the music
it's enough to make you sick.
the audacity and the anticipation.

food for thought riddle writing.

Bowling Pins.

when the truth is let out and all the hearts are broken
there might be enough dust and residue to make a line to snort.

we're standing still but I don't know where we are, but we're standing together.
I want less you want more we all want the same thing as before

dreams are dreams thats all they are
in a violent less war we both end up with battle scars

the instrumentals to the music in my mind just skipped
I don't know if you heard it, but now my rhythm is a little off.

enough riddle writing.


I hoped you liked it