4.12.08

this time it'll be different (not)

Sometimes I can't get over the fact you won't be here for the holidays
although this will be roughly the 11th Christmas without you
I still hope you're going to walk through the door on Christmas Eve night and come sleep with me and teddy..
but to no avail it fails every time.
and Christmas day always seems empty no matter how many gifts I get or how many I give
I never get what I truly want and it kinda tears a little piece of my heart away every time
I wonder how long it's going to take before I die of heartbreak although promises of the best Christmas yet have been made time and time again it still happens
don't get me wrong I am thankful for those in my life and I would probably be in a worse condition if anything happen to them but still...
it seems to get harder and harder as the years go past, which seems backwards in my opinion but ehh... I'm no psychologist
I just wish I didn't have to grow older without you, I wish you could have seen us (me and my sisters) graduate I wish you could have thrown me an 18th birthday party I wish you could have met your grandchildren...
Gah why do tears taste so salty?!
I think I'll end this now I'm running out of sodium

2 comments:

cher-elle. said...

Things seem to get harder as time goes on because you're changing and you're growing, and you wish she was there for that. But babe you have to remember that she is, and she always will be. Your mom will never leave you, because she's apart of every single fiber that you are, and she's with you through everything that you feel and do.

She loves you, and she's with you. Just remember.

Anonymous said...

Dino, you have to remember that your mom is always there. I know talking to her won't be the same without having a physical being to look at and converse with but you have to give it try. she will never abandon you and she's always there protecting you and watching over you.

"She loves you, and she's with you. Just remember."