this is the end... I presume

so....

2008 has come and it soon will be passing and I have grown a lot.
not only physically but mentality I have realized I nor anyone on this earth is always right. but most (giving the benefit of the doubt) have good intentions.
I have broken down my barrier of emotionless voids and became closer to my family and close to my friends.
I also realized this year that martial things don't make me happy.
I used to be so hooked on the next pair of sneakers and the coolest shirts and yada yada yada...
but I now don't give a flying FUCK. and I am more content with my pair of vans and a nice hoodie

I also met some wonderful people this year that have impacted my life drastically I could go on forever with names and what not but I'd typing for hours. just know that I am grateful for you guys being in my life.

uhh what else...
I don't know
welp
Peace out 2008 you were a wonderful year
but I have to see what else is in store for 2009.
to all who are reading
Have a wonderful night and rest of the year, and please be safe.

I need some Juicy.

I am addicted to fresh, fly, and sex!

nah, but on another note Christmas has came and passed it's was nice.
I didn't get as angry as I usually do around this time.

It felt like just another day in the life of Dino Brown.
I thought about You but only for a little while, It made me smile :D
I am sure you already know you're having another grandchild Natosha is 7 or 8 weeks preggers!
I hope she has a girl I am tired of little knuckled headed boys.

I had a lot to blog about until I opened up the window and now I am shooting blanks. haha
I got a guitar which means I'm gunna need lessons and I got a jacket and a sketch book.
My Secret Santa still has to give me my gift(s). My homie John bought me a shirt, and I got a bottle of sparkling cider which was really good!

Damn...well I can't think of anything else I could update you guys on so peace until next time.

p.s. an installment of Studio 19 will be posted soon. I know it's been a while but I have been really busy

this is the part where the beat breaks down

damn I love red beans and rice.

I am a jealous boyfriend, but hell I can't help it.
Christmas is in 11 days and I still haven't bought anyone anything.
I want a fucking top hate.
There's something about Mary.
I want to play hockey again.

yea that shit had to hurt.

The Dr.

"live fast, die young, leave a nice corpse"

A group of my closest friends and I had a little discussion last night and one of the few topics we discussed is whether if one of us was terminally ill would you "pull the plug".

I personally wouldn't to sit in a vegetative state for the rest of my life especially if the chances of me making it through were slim...I would want whoever the power of attorney is to pull every fucking thing connected to my ass let me die.

that stemmed a few other questions such as what to do with my body and if reincarnation is real what would I come back as...

I would want to get cremated, the thought of my body rotting away in a tomb for the next 20 or so years just doesn't seem fun...
I want a funeral but no burial I want to be cremated after wards...I want my funeral to be mellow but not sad I want people to remember me and not miss me I want to everyone who to listen to Fall Out Boy and "Hyphy" music I don't want any preachers or shit like that I want all the religious aspects of the funeral extracted and I want everyone to wear at least one item of green clothing .

uhh and If I were to come back I would want to come back as either a spider monkey or a shark
1.) because I love monkeys and sharks
2.) because they're so cool I want to be a shark because they are the kings or their domain Sharks rule the sea and I love the sea
3.) spider monkeys are just amazingly cute and smart

it was a few more question that I can't remember right now...so i shall end this here homies
thanks for reading

I have XXX tattooed on my wrist (no lie)

"crash and burn...
burn slow...
slow down...
down fall...
we're back to crashing again!"

I am sitting next to my love
and as of the past week or so our relationship has gotten stronger we haven't fought (much)
and we're back to doing things we used to... I guess me having a job is like a "key" to my happiness overall.

I am a few hundreds bucks in debt which ain't bad I guess but I wanna get it out of the way before it fucks me in the piss hole..

I can't wait for Christmas I just wanna play my guitar.

this time it'll be different (not)

Sometimes I can't get over the fact you won't be here for the holidays
although this will be roughly the 11th Christmas without you
I still hope you're going to walk through the door on Christmas Eve night and come sleep with me and teddy..
but to no avail it fails every time.
and Christmas day always seems empty no matter how many gifts I get or how many I give
I never get what I truly want and it kinda tears a little piece of my heart away every time
I wonder how long it's going to take before I die of heartbreak although promises of the best Christmas yet have been made time and time again it still happens
don't get me wrong I am thankful for those in my life and I would probably be in a worse condition if anything happen to them but still...
it seems to get harder and harder as the years go past, which seems backwards in my opinion but ehh... I'm no psychologist
I just wish I didn't have to grow older without you, I wish you could have seen us (me and my sisters) graduate I wish you could have thrown me an 18th birthday party I wish you could have met your grandchildren...
Gah why do tears taste so salty?!
I think I'll end this now I'm running out of sodium

tattooed tears and smeared make-up

ahh...
lets see how deep we can get

I've come to terms I often live in the past, not as in wanting to go back
but having no clue as to when the past becomes the present and so on an so forth...

I mean the blur between now and two seconds ago scares the shit out of me sometimes...
and even worse the blur between now and two seconds from now...
It's enough to put you on edge not knowing what is next (at least it is for me)
I'm sure if you know me you know how deathly afraid of change (aka the future)
I am impatientent and for lack of a better term noisy as shit...
so I have a "I must know everything and I must know it now" mentality and that just aint how time works and it bothers me...

I think thats like the worse feeling in the world knowing you can't do shit about something
I guess I'll get over one day but for now...GAH!

well I gotta go get ready for work so I'll see you folks after the jump

havn't blogged in a while
but uhh
life is going pretty fucking good...
thanksgiving is in 2 days and I'm the least bit of excited about it but to be truthful turkey day was never really my day...

I've been working and it's kinda hard to get into the swing of things I'm like super exausted but I'll get my stamina back

my lips hurt from this fucking windburn!!!!

well I'm done
for now... adios bitch!

I take my shirt,and all the hoes stop breathin'!

bam...

I just realized I hate being shut out, or being on the "outside looking in"
it fucking racks my brain because I don't understand why I must know somethings
but I do...

so I'm working back at the rink this year and I'm kinda iffy about it...

I'm up wayyy to late but fuck it I have until about 3 tomorrow afternoon to sleep.

I honestly miss my sisters I'm going to make that long trip over to the eastside next week

other than that...

uhhh

tis all

the day I died.

I'm sure if your reading this
you'll probably wonder what the fuck is wrong with me and I'll simply tell you I have a very fucked up imagination.

ok so the year is 2019 the date isn't quite clear but from the attire I am wearing it's sometime in the summer.

I wake up and it seems to be a normal day, I wake up around 10:00 am.
I had a wild night in L.A. and a long flight back home which is downtown Chicago as of right now.
I am radio personality on the local hip-hop and r&b station.

I hop in the shower I brush my teeth through on some clothes and get ready to hop in my 2017 ford mustang and head to work my air time is from 12:00 noon to 5:00 pm so I have a little time to spare. I drive through the McDonalds near downtown order a couple orders of chicken nuggets, and proceed to work... I get on the freeway and I'm driving at a regular pace and speed and then I am hit....

my car spins out, and hits the divider and I am slung around the driver's seat my head hitting the windshield... the air bags explode and I am again slungback into an upright position snapping my neck (or at least it sounds).

I try unlatching my seatbelt but my hands are shattered and I can not grip the little clicker thing.I finally get it loose and attempt to open the door I see people on the other side trying to open it.
but it's completely wielded together...I then start to to get "sleepy" and fall into a coma

not sure of how much time has elasped I am now in the back of an amublance and I can her the peramedics saying hurry we're losing him...
I make it to the hospital and the doctors start emergency surgery on my back and neck
but then my heart stops...
I fade into a black room of nothingness for eternity i presume because my imagination never takes me pass this part

If I ruled the world.

So I've been listening to this song on repeat for about 3 hours now and I can't seem to stop it.

this song came out roughly 10 years ago and it's still relevant.
in fact it reminds me of the whole Obama situation.

I'm Glad we have a Black president for the first time in history, and better yet a Qualified and Educated president.

(in other news I'm back at the rink this winter so come on stop by and skate)

ex-factor

is this just a silly game
that forces you to act this way...?


seriously losing sight of the future here.
not liking it one bit.

constantly declaring land that is already owned and conquered
the days grow shorter, along with my patiences.
I want an outlet but everything I try is not approved by the majority.
and I was never one to compromise, and it seems neither is no one else .
so what am I to do? Let go? yes I think that's what I need, but is that what I want?...
no.

I...must...make...this...work
but I'll need help.
are you willing?

5 hour energy.

shit that happened.

Kristen (my ex) is now friends with India this is cool because I love them both and I hate hostility.

India is going through her first hang-over so I'm kinda proud and kinda upset at the same time, because I had to take care of her (which I have no real problem with but she was drunk and we all know drunk people are not very cooperate.) but It's cool because she is now knows her limits.

I want some fucking Chicken McNuggets.

I'm tired of all the media press about the "J Hud" tragedy only because it happens to regular people all the time and no one does anything about it, but as soon as it happens to a celebrate it's time for something to change HELL YES!

it was time in the fucking 80's when the national murder rate for the country was almost at 3 killings a night.

It's 2 days until the election and I'm kinda excited to watch John McCain lose in a landslide.

I can not wait to get my phone I've decided to go with a "Sidek!ck" I think I can fucks with T-mobile.

I also can not wait until I get my tattoos I'm saving up to get my tree right after I get my apt. :)

uhh I think this one is done. 

peace out hoes, bitch, niggas, and pimps.

nah...

ok so I may sound totally and completely ignorant but...

why is everyone's panties in a fucking bunch about life?
it's life.
LIVE IT.
my true beliefs are pretty mangled and hard to explain but
honestly in my opinion Life is not serious at all.
and it's starting to irk my nerves at the fact people are freaking out about getting into their dream college and getting their dream house and all this other crap.
hell the way the economy is going it won't be jobs by the time we get out of college any damn way.
so fuck it.
party
drink
make mistakes...
some wise old fucker once said
the biggest mistake you'll make in life is worrying about making one.

so fuck it make life a trial and error.
that's what I plan on doing.

Studio 19 (part IV) way overdue I know sorry.

we last left off with Evan asking Anthony can she make him a proposition

Anthony- (uneasily) what might that be...?
Evan- first, do you have any problems with the police or any other authority figures
Anthony- Nah...clean
Evan-good, good...so here's the proposition I need you to sell some of my merchandise (making the bunny ear motion often used to indicate quotes)
Anthony- If you're talking about drugs. Nah...I'm cool
Evan- why do you assume it's drugs?
Anthony- just sounds like the drug game
Evan (luaghs) you're a smart kid, It's good to see that now days.
Anthony -I guess
Evan- well I'm going to give you my number and I want you think about it, think about all the money you'll see.
Anthony (laughing) Cool
Evan- You have a cell phone?
Anthony- yea...
Evan- well save my number it's 232-5555
Anthony- cool, it's saved.
Evan- well I'll let you get back to your lil girlfriend.
Anthony- (smiling) not yet.


Anthony goes back into the dancefloor area and looks for his friends he then spots them and goes back to them

Carter- where were you bro?
Anthony- talkin to the owner
Carter-Straight! what was that about?
Anthony- she needs some help with some stuff and she wanted to know if I was able to help.
Carter- What she need help with?
Anthony- Nothing
Carter- haha ok.
Princess- (talking to Anthony) Hey baby...
Anthony- Baby?
Princess- my bad no means to offend
Anthony- you didn't baby.

Princess smiles and starts dancing on Anthony.
across the room Chase Martin and his bestfriend Ivan Webster
Ivan was known for being one of the "richest kids in the whole city" with a new 2009 Grand Prix and all the newest kicks and clothes

Ivan- who was that girl you was dancing with?
Chase- her name is Lola she goes to Web.
Ivan- she hot.
Chase yea...I might call her.
Ivan- at least so you can hit and run
Chase- haha yea.
Ivan- she got any friends?
Chase- yea a few...I don't know where they at though.

they then walk over to the the crowd of the Webster kids.

Ivan- (to Jaque) Wanna dance....?
Jaque-(still very high) hell naw! I wanna fuck (laughing)
Ivan- that could be arranged?
Jaque- really now?
Ivan- hell yea.
Jaque- what's yo name?
Ivan- Ivan.
Jaque- I'm Jaque.
Ivan- C'mon Jaque lets go outside and talk

they both walk out Chase and Lola follow.
then the party starts to let out...

Ivan- so how you getting home?
Jaque- me and Lola gonna hop on the train.
Ivan- you ain't gotta do that...
Jaque- why not?
Ivan- I can take you home...
Chase- but ya'll should come to my house though my moms gone outta town and i got the apt to myself for the weekend.
Lola- (to Jaque) you wanna go?
Jaque- if I can get some dick hell yea...you wanna go?
Lola- I don't know
Jaque- c'mon Lolo tell yo mama you're spending the night at my house.
Lola- (excitingly) yea that'll work
Lola- (to Chase and Ivan) Lets go....

country bumpkin

so yea I'm sitting here eating sunflower seeds with my baby.
so what?
SUE ME.
earlier we talked about our wedding day.
and bit you better be there.

tis all
(man I love her)

to you.

hello world.
how are you?
-good
That's wonderful.

Me and India had a talk last night.
I think it helped.
I hate being misunderstood, as far as my actions and words.
and I feel as if we were not on the same page and hopefully we are now.
I tried my best to explain my thought process out, I know it's some things I'll never understand an I'm trying to come to a point o contentment with that but sometimes it's just hard. I know for a fact I'd be in a whole (literally) if it wasn't or India though she keeps me grounded and I sometimes feel bad because I bring her into my problems but it's not intentional she's just one o the only persons I've been able to completely connect without feeling like I'm insane or vulnerable. I wish my pain wasn't hurting her or me.
I should be fine soon thought the rink opens in a month and I'm going to have money and a new phone and a car!
gah I can't wait til Christmas I have a feeling this year will be different.


in other news I miss Steve Erwin

ring around the rosy.

Quarter brick, half a brick, whole brick AYY

my head music is on shuffle
and I can seem to find any music I want to listen to.
maybe my subconscious wnats me to hear "More to Life" by Stacy Orico
or "My Heart is the worse kind of weapon" by Fall Out Boy...
because I can't seem to stop uttering the line
"Spent most of last night draining this lake full or corpses of all my past mistakes"
seeing how last night I dreamed about my days in high school which I often refer to my trial and error phase of life. I guess last night was my night to get it off my conscious and into the past were it is and forever will be.

If only I could do that with all my life's hang-ups just write them off as void as I've longed to do so for some time now. Like the fact I am still upset at times about her leaving me and the fact I sometimes still wonder if he is wondering about me, or... what if I didn't want those damn chips so bad would I still have my cousin.
but I can't. These thoughts are persistent coming at random times and often over staying their welcome in the wonderful amusement park that I call a mind.
I often blame myself for the things that happen to me writing it of as Karma for something a past life has done or better yet something I've yet to do. In turn making me question the "Mechanics of The Universe" which I put so much faith in trust into.
trusting it to work the way it should and believing everything happens for a reason
and usually at this part Fall Out Boy lyrics pop into my head again from the song "Sophomore slump or the comeback of the year" that goes "the best part of beLIEve is the Lie.
making me think am I feeling myself up with false hope?

and as fast as the music came it changed back to Gucci Mane.
Quarter pound, half a pound, whole pound AYY
100 pills, 1,000 pills servin' major Weight!

Christmas list

my Christmas list.

Money. any amount will do. (to feed my tattoo addiction, pay for some of my schooling, and toward my car)
Shoes. (Dunks, Vans,Jordans The XV/VIII Countdown pack)[size 9]
Clothes (Tees size Medium. Pants 32/34. Fitted hats 7 3/8)
Digital Camera (Kodak)
Cellular Phone (T-mobile Sidekick, or T-mobile G1)
Guitar

yepp that's about it.


[other updates Studio 19 (IV) coming soon)]