this is the end... I presume

so....

2008 has come and it soon will be passing and I have grown a lot.
not only physically but mentality I have realized I nor anyone on this earth is always right. but most (giving the benefit of the doubt) have good intentions.
I have broken down my barrier of emotionless voids and became closer to my family and close to my friends.
I also realized this year that martial things don't make me happy.
I used to be so hooked on the next pair of sneakers and the coolest shirts and yada yada yada...
but I now don't give a flying FUCK. and I am more content with my pair of vans and a nice hoodie

I also met some wonderful people this year that have impacted my life drastically I could go on forever with names and what not but I'd typing for hours. just know that I am grateful for you guys being in my life.

uhh what else...
I don't know
welp
Peace out 2008 you were a wonderful year
but I have to see what else is in store for 2009.
to all who are reading
Have a wonderful night and rest of the year, and please be safe.

I need some Juicy.

I am addicted to fresh, fly, and sex!

nah, but on another note Christmas has came and passed it's was nice.
I didn't get as angry as I usually do around this time.

It felt like just another day in the life of Dino Brown.
I thought about You but only for a little while, It made me smile :D
I am sure you already know you're having another grandchild Natosha is 7 or 8 weeks preggers!
I hope she has a girl I am tired of little knuckled headed boys.

I had a lot to blog about until I opened up the window and now I am shooting blanks. haha
I got a guitar which means I'm gunna need lessons and I got a jacket and a sketch book.
My Secret Santa still has to give me my gift(s). My homie John bought me a shirt, and I got a bottle of sparkling cider which was really good!

Damn...well I can't think of anything else I could update you guys on so peace until next time.

p.s. an installment of Studio 19 will be posted soon. I know it's been a while but I have been really busy

this is the part where the beat breaks down

damn I love red beans and rice.

I am a jealous boyfriend, but hell I can't help it.
Christmas is in 11 days and I still haven't bought anyone anything.
I want a fucking top hate.
There's something about Mary.
I want to play hockey again.

yea that shit had to hurt.

The Dr.

"live fast, die young, leave a nice corpse"

A group of my closest friends and I had a little discussion last night and one of the few topics we discussed is whether if one of us was terminally ill would you "pull the plug".

I personally wouldn't to sit in a vegetative state for the rest of my life especially if the chances of me making it through were slim...I would want whoever the power of attorney is to pull every fucking thing connected to my ass let me die.

that stemmed a few other questions such as what to do with my body and if reincarnation is real what would I come back as...

I would want to get cremated, the thought of my body rotting away in a tomb for the next 20 or so years just doesn't seem fun...
I want a funeral but no burial I want to be cremated after wards...I want my funeral to be mellow but not sad I want people to remember me and not miss me I want to everyone who to listen to Fall Out Boy and "Hyphy" music I don't want any preachers or shit like that I want all the religious aspects of the funeral extracted and I want everyone to wear at least one item of green clothing .

uhh and If I were to come back I would want to come back as either a spider monkey or a shark
1.) because I love monkeys and sharks
2.) because they're so cool I want to be a shark because they are the kings or their domain Sharks rule the sea and I love the sea
3.) spider monkeys are just amazingly cute and smart

it was a few more question that I can't remember right now...so i shall end this here homies
thanks for reading

I have XXX tattooed on my wrist (no lie)

"crash and burn...
burn slow...
slow down...
down fall...
we're back to crashing again!"

I am sitting next to my love
and as of the past week or so our relationship has gotten stronger we haven't fought (much)
and we're back to doing things we used to... I guess me having a job is like a "key" to my happiness overall.

I am a few hundreds bucks in debt which ain't bad I guess but I wanna get it out of the way before it fucks me in the piss hole..

I can't wait for Christmas I just wanna play my guitar.

this time it'll be different (not)

Sometimes I can't get over the fact you won't be here for the holidays
although this will be roughly the 11th Christmas without you
I still hope you're going to walk through the door on Christmas Eve night and come sleep with me and teddy..
but to no avail it fails every time.
and Christmas day always seems empty no matter how many gifts I get or how many I give
I never get what I truly want and it kinda tears a little piece of my heart away every time
I wonder how long it's going to take before I die of heartbreak although promises of the best Christmas yet have been made time and time again it still happens
don't get me wrong I am thankful for those in my life and I would probably be in a worse condition if anything happen to them but still...
it seems to get harder and harder as the years go past, which seems backwards in my opinion but ehh... I'm no psychologist
I just wish I didn't have to grow older without you, I wish you could have seen us (me and my sisters) graduate I wish you could have thrown me an 18th birthday party I wish you could have met your grandchildren...
Gah why do tears taste so salty?!
I think I'll end this now I'm running out of sodium

tattooed tears and smeared make-up

ahh...
lets see how deep we can get

I've come to terms I often live in the past, not as in wanting to go back
but having no clue as to when the past becomes the present and so on an so forth...

I mean the blur between now and two seconds ago scares the shit out of me sometimes...
and even worse the blur between now and two seconds from now...
It's enough to put you on edge not knowing what is next (at least it is for me)
I'm sure if you know me you know how deathly afraid of change (aka the future)
I am impatientent and for lack of a better term noisy as shit...
so I have a "I must know everything and I must know it now" mentality and that just aint how time works and it bothers me...

I think thats like the worse feeling in the world knowing you can't do shit about something
I guess I'll get over one day but for now...GAH!

well I gotta go get ready for work so I'll see you folks after the jump

havn't blogged in a while
but uhh
life is going pretty fucking good...
thanksgiving is in 2 days and I'm the least bit of excited about it but to be truthful turkey day was never really my day...

I've been working and it's kinda hard to get into the swing of things I'm like super exausted but I'll get my stamina back

my lips hurt from this fucking windburn!!!!

well I'm done
for now... adios bitch!

I take my shirt,and all the hoes stop breathin'!

bam...

I just realized I hate being shut out, or being on the "outside looking in"
it fucking racks my brain because I don't understand why I must know somethings
but I do...

so I'm working back at the rink this year and I'm kinda iffy about it...

I'm up wayyy to late but fuck it I have until about 3 tomorrow afternoon to sleep.

I honestly miss my sisters I'm going to make that long trip over to the eastside next week

other than that...

uhhh

tis all

the day I died.

I'm sure if your reading this
you'll probably wonder what the fuck is wrong with me and I'll simply tell you I have a very fucked up imagination.

ok so the year is 2019 the date isn't quite clear but from the attire I am wearing it's sometime in the summer.

I wake up and it seems to be a normal day, I wake up around 10:00 am.
I had a wild night in L.A. and a long flight back home which is downtown Chicago as of right now.
I am radio personality on the local hip-hop and r&b station.

I hop in the shower I brush my teeth through on some clothes and get ready to hop in my 2017 ford mustang and head to work my air time is from 12:00 noon to 5:00 pm so I have a little time to spare. I drive through the McDonalds near downtown order a couple orders of chicken nuggets, and proceed to work... I get on the freeway and I'm driving at a regular pace and speed and then I am hit....

my car spins out, and hits the divider and I am slung around the driver's seat my head hitting the windshield... the air bags explode and I am again slungback into an upright position snapping my neck (or at least it sounds).

I try unlatching my seatbelt but my hands are shattered and I can not grip the little clicker thing.I finally get it loose and attempt to open the door I see people on the other side trying to open it.
but it's completely wielded together...I then start to to get "sleepy" and fall into a coma

not sure of how much time has elasped I am now in the back of an amublance and I can her the peramedics saying hurry we're losing him...
I make it to the hospital and the doctors start emergency surgery on my back and neck
but then my heart stops...
I fade into a black room of nothingness for eternity i presume because my imagination never takes me pass this part

If I ruled the world.

So I've been listening to this song on repeat for about 3 hours now and I can't seem to stop it.

this song came out roughly 10 years ago and it's still relevant.
in fact it reminds me of the whole Obama situation.

I'm Glad we have a Black president for the first time in history, and better yet a Qualified and Educated president.

(in other news I'm back at the rink this winter so come on stop by and skate)

ex-factor

is this just a silly game
that forces you to act this way...?


seriously losing sight of the future here.
not liking it one bit.

constantly declaring land that is already owned and conquered
the days grow shorter, along with my patiences.
I want an outlet but everything I try is not approved by the majority.
and I was never one to compromise, and it seems neither is no one else .
so what am I to do? Let go? yes I think that's what I need, but is that what I want?...
no.

I...must...make...this...work
but I'll need help.
are you willing?

5 hour energy.

shit that happened.

Kristen (my ex) is now friends with India this is cool because I love them both and I hate hostility.

India is going through her first hang-over so I'm kinda proud and kinda upset at the same time, because I had to take care of her (which I have no real problem with but she was drunk and we all know drunk people are not very cooperate.) but It's cool because she is now knows her limits.

I want some fucking Chicken McNuggets.

I'm tired of all the media press about the "J Hud" tragedy only because it happens to regular people all the time and no one does anything about it, but as soon as it happens to a celebrate it's time for something to change HELL YES!

it was time in the fucking 80's when the national murder rate for the country was almost at 3 killings a night.

It's 2 days until the election and I'm kinda excited to watch John McCain lose in a landslide.

I can not wait to get my phone I've decided to go with a "Sidek!ck" I think I can fucks with T-mobile.

I also can not wait until I get my tattoos I'm saving up to get my tree right after I get my apt. :)

uhh I think this one is done. 

peace out hoes, bitch, niggas, and pimps.

nah...

ok so I may sound totally and completely ignorant but...

why is everyone's panties in a fucking bunch about life?
it's life.
LIVE IT.
my true beliefs are pretty mangled and hard to explain but
honestly in my opinion Life is not serious at all.
and it's starting to irk my nerves at the fact people are freaking out about getting into their dream college and getting their dream house and all this other crap.
hell the way the economy is going it won't be jobs by the time we get out of college any damn way.
so fuck it.
party
drink
make mistakes...
some wise old fucker once said
the biggest mistake you'll make in life is worrying about making one.

so fuck it make life a trial and error.
that's what I plan on doing.

Studio 19 (part IV) way overdue I know sorry.

we last left off with Evan asking Anthony can she make him a proposition

Anthony- (uneasily) what might that be...?
Evan- first, do you have any problems with the police or any other authority figures
Anthony- Nah...clean
Evan-good, good...so here's the proposition I need you to sell some of my merchandise (making the bunny ear motion often used to indicate quotes)
Anthony- If you're talking about drugs. Nah...I'm cool
Evan- why do you assume it's drugs?
Anthony- just sounds like the drug game
Evan (luaghs) you're a smart kid, It's good to see that now days.
Anthony -I guess
Evan- well I'm going to give you my number and I want you think about it, think about all the money you'll see.
Anthony (laughing) Cool
Evan- You have a cell phone?
Anthony- yea...
Evan- well save my number it's 232-5555
Anthony- cool, it's saved.
Evan- well I'll let you get back to your lil girlfriend.
Anthony- (smiling) not yet.


Anthony goes back into the dancefloor area and looks for his friends he then spots them and goes back to them

Carter- where were you bro?
Anthony- talkin to the owner
Carter-Straight! what was that about?
Anthony- she needs some help with some stuff and she wanted to know if I was able to help.
Carter- What she need help with?
Anthony- Nothing
Carter- haha ok.
Princess- (talking to Anthony) Hey baby...
Anthony- Baby?
Princess- my bad no means to offend
Anthony- you didn't baby.

Princess smiles and starts dancing on Anthony.
across the room Chase Martin and his bestfriend Ivan Webster
Ivan was known for being one of the "richest kids in the whole city" with a new 2009 Grand Prix and all the newest kicks and clothes

Ivan- who was that girl you was dancing with?
Chase- her name is Lola she goes to Web.
Ivan- she hot.
Chase yea...I might call her.
Ivan- at least so you can hit and run
Chase- haha yea.
Ivan- she got any friends?
Chase- yea a few...I don't know where they at though.

they then walk over to the the crowd of the Webster kids.

Ivan- (to Jaque) Wanna dance....?
Jaque-(still very high) hell naw! I wanna fuck (laughing)
Ivan- that could be arranged?
Jaque- really now?
Ivan- hell yea.
Jaque- what's yo name?
Ivan- Ivan.
Jaque- I'm Jaque.
Ivan- C'mon Jaque lets go outside and talk

they both walk out Chase and Lola follow.
then the party starts to let out...

Ivan- so how you getting home?
Jaque- me and Lola gonna hop on the train.
Ivan- you ain't gotta do that...
Jaque- why not?
Ivan- I can take you home...
Chase- but ya'll should come to my house though my moms gone outta town and i got the apt to myself for the weekend.
Lola- (to Jaque) you wanna go?
Jaque- if I can get some dick hell yea...you wanna go?
Lola- I don't know
Jaque- c'mon Lolo tell yo mama you're spending the night at my house.
Lola- (excitingly) yea that'll work
Lola- (to Chase and Ivan) Lets go....

country bumpkin

so yea I'm sitting here eating sunflower seeds with my baby.
so what?
SUE ME.
earlier we talked about our wedding day.
and bit you better be there.

tis all
(man I love her)

to you.

hello world.
how are you?
-good
That's wonderful.

Me and India had a talk last night.
I think it helped.
I hate being misunderstood, as far as my actions and words.
and I feel as if we were not on the same page and hopefully we are now.
I tried my best to explain my thought process out, I know it's some things I'll never understand an I'm trying to come to a point o contentment with that but sometimes it's just hard. I know for a fact I'd be in a whole (literally) if it wasn't or India though she keeps me grounded and I sometimes feel bad because I bring her into my problems but it's not intentional she's just one o the only persons I've been able to completely connect without feeling like I'm insane or vulnerable. I wish my pain wasn't hurting her or me.
I should be fine soon thought the rink opens in a month and I'm going to have money and a new phone and a car!
gah I can't wait til Christmas I have a feeling this year will be different.


in other news I miss Steve Erwin

ring around the rosy.

Quarter brick, half a brick, whole brick AYY

my head music is on shuffle
and I can seem to find any music I want to listen to.
maybe my subconscious wnats me to hear "More to Life" by Stacy Orico
or "My Heart is the worse kind of weapon" by Fall Out Boy...
because I can't seem to stop uttering the line
"Spent most of last night draining this lake full or corpses of all my past mistakes"
seeing how last night I dreamed about my days in high school which I often refer to my trial and error phase of life. I guess last night was my night to get it off my conscious and into the past were it is and forever will be.

If only I could do that with all my life's hang-ups just write them off as void as I've longed to do so for some time now. Like the fact I am still upset at times about her leaving me and the fact I sometimes still wonder if he is wondering about me, or... what if I didn't want those damn chips so bad would I still have my cousin.
but I can't. These thoughts are persistent coming at random times and often over staying their welcome in the wonderful amusement park that I call a mind.
I often blame myself for the things that happen to me writing it of as Karma for something a past life has done or better yet something I've yet to do. In turn making me question the "Mechanics of The Universe" which I put so much faith in trust into.
trusting it to work the way it should and believing everything happens for a reason
and usually at this part Fall Out Boy lyrics pop into my head again from the song "Sophomore slump or the comeback of the year" that goes "the best part of beLIEve is the Lie.
making me think am I feeling myself up with false hope?

and as fast as the music came it changed back to Gucci Mane.
Quarter pound, half a pound, whole pound AYY
100 pills, 1,000 pills servin' major Weight!

Christmas list

my Christmas list.

Money. any amount will do. (to feed my tattoo addiction, pay for some of my schooling, and toward my car)
Shoes. (Dunks, Vans,Jordans The XV/VIII Countdown pack)[size 9]
Clothes (Tees size Medium. Pants 32/34. Fitted hats 7 3/8)
Digital Camera (Kodak)
Cellular Phone (T-mobile Sidekick, or T-mobile G1)
Guitar

yepp that's about it.


[other updates Studio 19 (IV) coming soon)]

grand openng?

this is the victory lap and I'm leaving!

want to know something about me?
yes, why yes I do.

I'm pretty fucking emotionless when it comes to shit I should care about
apathy?
nah it's deeper.
because if it was shear apathy I wouldn't car about me not caring.
ya'dig?
I find myself not giving a fuck about something and then wondering why don't I give a fuck and then stop giving a fuck about not giving a fuck.
see the spiraling mirror effect of this problem?
si senor...
I don't know what it is.
starting to not give a fuck again...
damn
this was redundant.

FIN

October. Kittens. Pi

if I had a billion dollars.
I'd go totally fuckin crazy
and buy random shit.

I'm watching the Debate and I kinda wanna push this old fucker over.
(McCain that is)
like seriously he looks like a goblin.

serious time.
I'm drifting from myself, I usually have a "go get it" attitude about everything but as of late
I've been waiting for shit to come to me.
so I'm going to put this thing in effect starting next Monday
I'm going to ask my sisters to help me get my license so I can at least have that.
and I'm going to go job hunting again and this time I won't stop until I have one.
that way I can get me a car.
I'll be happy if I have a car.

I really wanna work at the Rink this year but I'm not sure if I'll be able to.
I mean it's a sure fire job but I don't know if I can wait that long
and if I do get a job between now and then will they clash.
fuck it.
I'm working at the rink and then I'm going to work with my sister at the rainbow health care place and then I'm moving to Lansing (hopefully)

plan in motion starting Monday seriously.
I need to call Mike also to see if I still have a job at the rink hell.
I'm sure he'll give me my job back just need to make sure.

so Ballin' check me out.

Happy Birthday!
Patricia Ann Brown
I Love You!

hope you're partying up there!
=)

My Achellis' heel

Why the fuck am I up at 2:24am?
not a clue.
I'm thinking a lot.
at how life is such a roller coaster.
I have my ups an downs.
like today...
started off good,went downhill,went up a little bit,went way back down,went up really high,
and it's slowly creepy down this hill again.

I can't shake this sucky ass thought
that keeps coming into my head
like everytime I think of India
I think of our future
our future
contains 2 nice cars, a nice house somewhere warm, and a few kids.
then that thought leads to how it suck bloody balls
that my children will never get to meet their grandmother (on my side) in person.
I hate the fact I have to go to a grave to "see" my mommy period
but it is going to suck when one of my children are going to ask about my mom.
How do I explain that she's not able to be here?
I'm not mad, it just sucks that she didn't get to see any of her kids graduate from HS.
any of them turn 18
any of her grandchildren.
I sometimes wish I could wake up and this all be a really long redundant dream
and She'd be gettin' me ready for my first day of third grade all over again.

=(

I sometimes have weird impulses

so I figured it out.

8 ball, corner pocket.
I refuse to fuck this one up for myself
this is one of the best things to happen to me and I'm going to treat it as such.

now I just need a hug.

Sarah Failin

I could so see this happening.
:(

Studio 19 (III)

as Jaque,Lola, Aurora, and Princess walk back into the lights of the club.
The drugs start to kick in and the lights become more vibrant and the music takes control
with every beat Jaque's heart jumps a pace faster Princess' and Lola had yet to feel the effects of the drugs continued to dance.

Jaque-(talking to Aurora) You ok!?
Aurora- Yea, you?
Jaque-Of course I'm perfectly fine
Princess- this bitch ain't no fine.
Aurora- I know!

Lola sees her friends from school Amanda , Mariah, and Tamela, the average "smart" girls of the school

Mariah- (to Lola) Hey, whats up Lolo
Lola- nothing (slurring her words)
Mariah and Tamela- What's wrong?
Amanda- She high.
Lola- I'm not hi-how you know!?
Amanda- your pupils are dilated
Lola- Whatever.
Amanda-What did you take?
Lola- some X.
Mariah- What!? where'd you get it from?
Lola- Jaque...
Princess- what ya'll over here talking about? (also slurring her words)
Tamela- you got some too!?
Princess- (playing "dumb") got some what!?
Tamela - some X.
Princess- yea...
Mariah, Amanda, and Tamela- We want some!

back to Carter Anthony, and Miguel who were wondering where the girls had went to.

Carter- Damn females piss for a long ass time
Anthony- you know they always gotta go in packs for moral support and shit.
Miguel- seriously they have been gone for a long ass time.
Carter- Lets go find these be-yotches!
Anthony- yea c'mon

Carter finds Jaque dancing irractically

Carter-what the hell you doin'?
Jaque- Dancing, shit I'm horny...
Anthony-What!? Where is Princess and the rest of the girls.
Jaque- somewhere in this damn place! it's hot!

Anthony and Miguel leave Carter with Jaque and go search for Princess and the rest of the girls

Anthony- (to Miguel) there's Aurora
Miguel- and there's Lola and Amanda, and Tamela, and Mariah.
Anthony- when'd they get here.
Miguel- I don't know (laughing)
Anthony- (to princess) Hey baby
Princess- Heeeeeyyy
Anthony- What's up with you why you seem so so so off.?
Princess- Fuck it's so hot it here, are you hot?
Anthony- yea a lil.
Princess c'mon lets go outside.
Anthony- ok...
Princess- (to Lola and the rest of the gang) Me and Tone are about to go outside.

as they walk outside they start a small talk conversation and then proceeds to go back intot he club. but Anthony is stopped by a seeminly older female by the name of Evan she intoduces herself to Anthony as the owner of Studio 19.

Evan-So what's ya'name kid?
Anthony- Tone.
Evan- (to Princess) is this your boyfriend sweety?
Princess- (not sure how to answer) Nah...
Evan so you don't mind if I talk to him in private do you?
Princess- not at all

Evan opens the door for Princess and then grabs Anthony's hand and take him up a flight of stairs and into an office

Evan- So how old are you Tone?
Anthony- 17
Evan- cool cool...you smoke?
Anthony- Nah.

Evan lights a cigerette

Evan- I have a propostion for you...
Anthony- (uneasily) what might that be...?

venom in the veins

[grabs pistol]

aims
shoot
gotcha!

never have I ever been so deep in love.
seriously.

I want some TacoBell.

Taco and I haven't hung out in a while.

If I were to ever get put to death I'd want to be hanged (yea technically it's hanged, not hung)

I currently have a nosebleed.

I have some really bad insecurities that become prevalent only when I think about us not being together.
I'm working on them.

Key is my nigga.

I was not raised by Phillip Anthony Troy Jr.

I'm updating Studio 19 tonight be ready.
I've guess I'm gunna make it a weekly thing until I'm done which should be in about 3-5 more weeks

Gah I really wanna move but I'm not sure if that's gunna happen anymore

I honestly never had a favorite super hero growing up.

I'm going to hug the hell outta Khloe, Key, Kenzie, Conz, Bonnie, Devin, Boopie, Nai,Dani, Ducky, and Whit when I see them.

I can't wait for my rap career to jump off!

I miss my Yalies Steven Andrew Banks, and Brandon Morell Keeler. gitdefukbakhernah!

Kyle Tyler is also a whoreface for having a natural talent.

I think thats enough of the random shit,

a night cap.

I have a few insecurities, but I will not be discussing those here.
at least not now.

uhh as far as my views on life I have three eyes.

one side (the protagonist)
the opposing side (the antagonist)
and then the 3 side I call it the sitcom view

that one person on the outside looking in.
the person not directly involved in the whole situation/problem/whatever
that can see both sides clearly.
I have that view on most things
not saying I don't have my share of problems and I don't pick sides but I usually look at the whole picture first before making my assessment

I suggest you try to take this aprroch on life.

uhh in other news
"an ounce of doubt, is still doubt"

meaning if you don't believe in something wholeheartedly then you don't believe
I was talking to India today about ourselves and our "flaws" although I don't believe anyone has any.

but yea I've noticed something about her a while ago but it never really bothered me and still doesn't
but anyway what I noticed is that she is "afraid of her own thoughts" if that makes any sense but yea Like she'll bite her tongue because she doesn't want to be wrong or sound "stupid" but when it really comes down to it she is very intellectual, and I see her as a very intelligent person but it seems to me that she's to afraid to speak her mind or "think" for that matter

I don't want to get into anymore because I feel I'm gossiping but yea

I want to go see religioulous (I'm not sure if thats how you spell it but hell)
seems like a good documentary

make it rain.

give us a buzz.

I miss my Mommy, A lot.
no crying just thinking

I'm glad I have a "new" mommy (India's mom) She is wonderful.
I'm glad I have India.
I'm glad I have my friends.
I'm glad I have my sisters and my nephews.
I'm glad I have life.

moral of this story is I'm happy.
I have an opportunity coming up to get out of Detroit.
not far but at least it's not Detroit.
I'm going to take it get me a car and I'll be set.
start school in Jan. Gah I can't wait.

TMI I have gas like a fuckin' Iraqi oil rig.

I want 5 more tattoos and then I'm going to get my Cross finished ann then I will stop.
(maybe)
still plan on getting that tattooing gun soon so I shall need some victims haha

I love my ButtButt (one of the many nicknames I call Mrs. Brown.)

can't wait until 2011...

leavin this one here peace out folks.

dreamin'

as I watch you sleep, hoping you're doing the same as I.
Dreaming.
dreaming about memories past and those yet to come
dreams about our wedding day and our first son.
dreams about arguing and making up.
dreaming of such wonderful things I never want to wake up
dreams of "wasting" days on in.
dreaming of every split second that we spend
dreaming of me dreaming of you.
I dream of rewinding time back to December 29th (2007) and meet you all over again so I could right back in love with you.
I dream of fast forwarding the time through every sad moment you and I go through
I dream of me and you
I dream of us.
I dream of we.
because since the day I met you it was no longer just "me".

It was Us and(in) a Dream.

Studio 19 (II)

http://tradeitall.blogspot.com/2008/09/studio-19-first-scenes.html
check it out first.If you havn't already

We last left of with Carter and and Anthony making a dash for the first subway that would lead them downtown which is where Studio 19 the newest high school club that has people going mad.

Carter: yes! we made it.
Anthony: (panting because he's short of breath) haha yea.
Carter: this party better be as hype as Jaque said or I'm gunna be pissed.
Anthony: at least we would have gotten out tonight
Carter: yea I guess so.

just then they see there friends from school Aurora Blair and Miguel D'Jesus

Carter: ayo what up Ms. Blair!?
Aurora: Carter please don't call me by my government name
Carter: Oh shit, My bad (laughs)
Anthony: So were you guys going?
Miguel: To this party at some club called Studio 19 (looking disgusted)
Anthony: why you so mad.
Miguel: cause I didn't want to go but Aurora is making me come with her.
Carter: pussy whipped!
Aurora: Shut up Carter Miguel is just my bestfriend!
Carter: (to Anthony) this nigga don't even like pussy.
Anthony: hey who knows.
Miguel: Secrets have no friends!
Aurora: yea they don't.
Anthony: we were talking about something that happened earlier (trying to keep from bursting into laughter)

DING!

the train stops, and they are finally there. The four friends walk toward the club which was roughly 2 blocks away from the subway tunnel.the line is relatively long which indicates the party is hype!

Anthony: whoa!
Carter: yea looks like I'm going back home.
Anthony Miguel and Aurora: What!? Why!?
Carter: ain't no party worth that wait

Carter phone rings it's Jaque again

Jaque: where you at!?
Carter: outside I'm about to go I ain't waiting in this long as line!
Jaque: C'mon I know he owner come to the front of the line and just tell the guards you know Evan.
Carter: alright, this shit better work
Jaque: it will!
Carter: C'mon guys (waving Anthony Aurora and Miguel to the front of the line)
Guard: You can't be here.
Carter: I know Evan.
Guard: Evan who!?
Carter: (not sure what to say) The owner!
Guard: what do they look like?

Jaque, comes out with two females
Lauren "Lola"Gisebelle a pretty nice girl from Webster HS that is known for her dreams of being a hollywood actress and making it big one day!
and Princess Morris is a quick tempered chick that not much is known about. except that she has been crushing on Anthony since the day that met back in sophmore year.
they all walk out the club. Jaque whispers something into the Guard's ear.

Guard: haha Ok, but just this once.
Jaque: thanks baby (winking at the guard)
Anthony: (to Jaque) you got it like that!?
Jaque: Of Course.

they enter the club and the lights pretty much throw them into a amazed state and they almost instantly get the urge to dance.

Carter grabs Jaque, anthony grabs princess, and Aurora grabs Miguel, leaving Lola to wonder off to find a dancing partner so she won't be left out.She comes back with a guy by the name of Chase Martin who goes to Webster's rival school Lakesent he is none around the city for being one of the best dancers.

Chase: So what's up?
Lola: nothing much, just didn't want to be left out all of my friends have dancing partners but me!
Chase: haha so what's your name?
Lola: (trying to keep up with Chase's dancing) what you say baby?
Chase: (in a louder tone) What is your name!?
Lola: Lauren but you can call me Lola.
Chase: so you don't want to know mines?
Lola: nah, just keep dancing!
Chase: well I'll tell you anyway the name is Chase!
Lola: Cool.

Jaque then grabs Aurora Lola and Princess from there dancing partners and goes to the bathroom, It's pretty crowed in the bathroom so they wait until it's empty.Jaque grabs her purse and takes out a small Ziplock of pills and takes one.

Lola: what was that?
Jaque: (laughs) nothing
Lola: you better tell me!
Jaque: ok if you insist it was ecstacy, you want one?
Lola: No!
Jaque: (looks toward Princess and Aurora) you guys want one?
Aurora: nah... I'm cool on the drugs
Jaque: come on it's not like you'll get addicted!
Lola: I don't know Jaque.
Jaque: C'mon just take a half of one.
Lola: (looking a lil frustrated and pressured) Ok I guess it won't hurt.
Jaque: (to Princess,who is texting Anthony) You wanna try it.
Princesss: sure why not, I'll take the other half.
Jaque: alright, Aurora you sure you don't want to try any?
Aurora: yea, I'm sure.

so the two girls take the half pills, and make there way back t the club.

Ni-Ga

burry me a...

[grabs pistol]

bring his head to me!
I always wanted to say that

I feel...feel...emotionless
I seriously don't feel shit.
happy sad anger calm nothing I'm just here floating.

crushcruschcrush
they taped over your mouth scribbled out the truth with there lies.

seriousness
I feel everything and everyone is falling.
like we built ourselves up with false hopes and dreams and now they are collapsing upon themselves and we are all falling
my once vivid dreams have become foggy in my views on life have become jumbled and I am losing every ounce, inch, and strand of completeness I had.

I still have my family (N3TA) but I feel even we are falling apart
everyone is going through at least one problem and all the mighty people are taking dives
like seriously although I have 2 years on Taqee I look up to the dude. and He's going through some hellish monsters right now. Same with Ahmad and Key.
shit has become unbearable to even conceive.

I want some sort of stability and peace at mind not just a "this will hold off until I find more shit to cheer me up" I am tired of this vicious cycle of suppression and smiles

I want to take my brain out of my head and ring it out... draining all the brain wracking shit out. and hopefully make me truly happy

3 kings

Raymond Charles "Ray" Robinson

James Marshall "Jimi" Hendrix (b. Jonny Allen Hendrix)

Robert Nesta "Bob" Marley



super music group
Bob on the Vocals
Jimi on the Guitar
Ray on the keyboard!
man
shit would be A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!

I'm really upset I never got to see any of them live
but it's cool.

these people inspire me, yo!

so here's to
three kings,
three legends,
three Gods.

reasons

why for I picked the songs on my playlist.

uhh
Jammin', by Bob Marley- I picked this song because it has always brought me to a peaceful state of mind and I become one with the music. So before I blow someones head off. I put that on and jam out.

Just the Two of Us, by Bill Withers- I picked this song because I know my mom is with me in every step in life so it will always be the two of us.

Purple Haze, by Jimi Hendrix- excuse me while I kiss the kiss... nough said!

Lovin' You, byMinnie Reperton- I play this song in my head all the time I often catch myself humming it my mom used to sing it to me.

Hit the Road Jack- I don't even know why I love this song so much it's probably because I really want to be Ray Charles and he seemed like he had fun making this one.

Please Don't Let Me be Misunderstood, by Nina Simone- this song explains my life..
I'm just a soul whose intentions are good but I am often misunderstood. I've come to except that no one will ever completly understand me because I don't even understand myself completly.

so yea if you havn't check out the music homie.

I'm going to be a bad parent

ello folk out there in internet land
time for some more Anarchy

I hate school seriously.
I don't hate many things but school is one of those things that makes my fucking blood boil
and not school as in college or school like elementary, I mean High School ya'know those four year where hell literally rises from the ground and you are forced to attend for at least 2 and half years if you're lucky.

you're probably thinking What the Fuck do you know you dropped out Dino.
and to that I say "deez nutz" haha
nah but high school sucked life out of me to the point were i was on the brink of suicide several times, I then relialized that it wasn't for me and before I commied suicide I quit.
smart choice on my part.

again you're probably like that was a coward way out.
and to that I say "deez nutz" haha
but no I did the whole school thing as long as I possibly could I actually had every, no wait most intentions on walking across the stage and giving the finger to every administrator at the Graduation but a suck ass situation came up and I was basically forced to quit .

so why do you hate school so much, isn't that a pplace you learn?
haha funny I can seriouslly say I didn't learn to much of anything (school and acadimic wise) at my four year stay in hell besides some math equations and shit like that which I didn't retain so the shit didn't matter.

No don't get me wrong I love learning I know for a fact that I will continue to learn until the day I am dropped into my grave plot. It's just High School never taught me anything that the teachers were suppose to be teaching me I guess.

anywho here are the main reasons I hated high school.
1.I never learned shit.
2.The school i went to were corrupted with greed and money so I was used as a droid to past the standardized test so the school could get more money. (that we never saw)
3. I had no friends, not because I didn't want them, or because I was creppy.It was just because everybody in High School had two or more faces including me at times.
4. I never cared about the "fun" shit i.e.. sports, dances, spirit week none of that interested me
it was all the same shit every year and was so fucking over rated It would have gotten 39887 mics in the source
5. I were fighting my own demons and hell didn't help. Everyday I went home and pretty muched dope myself up because I didn't want to feel any emotions from school and everyday I went to school and dope myself up because I didn't want to feel the emotions from home.vicious cycle I am not proud of but I regret nothing.
6.High School is based on a format that doesn't fit everyone and it's not even close to fair for those who have no interest in one class but love another such as I. I hate math but loved art, and I loved history but hated P.E shit like that pissed me off. but I guess that's what college is for? huh...


that's a short list on why I hated high school so much

today...
is
the
day
I died.

Yes I've died once before, I don't plan to do it but once more

but in other news
Dex thinks I'm a creep but I'm ain't. I swear it.
I miss Bukkit and Lano
I need to hang with Devin
Taqee is my nigga for life I'd take a bullet to the head for his slim ass.
I may be getting my hair twisted soon. (yay for dreads)
new tattoo coming soon I'm getting a "Lou" on the inside of my lip.
(yea I know the shit will hurt but this is me caring [serious face]
I really wanna get into tattooing
fuck it I'm going to do it...
now I just need to focus.
It's always been one of my dreams so I think I'm going to go for it.
that way I can get all the tattooes I want which is a shit load of random jank


-Bitch I'm back on My grizzy Young Money where you at!?-

I am going to start catching back up with some old friends
I feel we've drifted way too far.
I havn't seen Devin in like six friggin months and thats not ok at all seeing how she's my bestfriend :(
I also am going to Lansing next weekend going to hang with Sam and hopifully see my MSU people (Boopie,Bonnie,Nailove, and Ashley's black ass haha)

I am FUCKING PISSED about 25 cent bag chips going up ten fucking cent!



I think I'm done here so run along and kill your idols

It's bloody empty.

scratch


I have a complex so complex
I couldn't even begin to explain in context,
or the content. Life an equation and problems are the constant.
So until I am content
I'll keep my feelings locked up like their convicts

I am really tired of life throwing me lemons and I'm fucking tired of Lemonade
can't I get a nice apple for once or maybe a few grapes?

hell!

I'm ok.
don't worry
I'll be fine
I always am.

Studio 19 (first scenes)

it was the last period of the last day of school at Webster high school and as with any high school all the children are rowdy and ready for their summer vacation to begin
Anthony Barden a 17 year old black male with a seemingly good head on his shoulders, and a bright future in the entertainment business.

Anthony: (talking to himself) Man I can't wait for this damn bell to ring, I'm so ready to be outta here.
Carter, Anthony's bestfriend since early childhood and a classic class clown. was sitting in the chair in front of Anthony and overheard him.
Carter: What you say bro?
Anthony: Nothin', just waiting on this damn bell!
Carter: Who you Tellin'?! I've been ready to get the hell out of here since September.

just then the Teacher Mrs. Torren cuts them off
Mrs. Torren a slim white woman with straight brown hair and who wore glasses straight from the 60's it seems like.

Mrs. Torren: you boys wanna share with the class!
Carter: Hell yea! I'm ready to go!
the class then burst into laughter
Mrs. Torren: Cut it out Carter. You're not the only one ready to get out of here.

Anthony takes a glimpse at the clock and notices his freedom is literally
seconds away
he turns to the class and starts to count down
7...6...5...4...3...2...RIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNGGGGGG

Anthony: Free at last, Free at last, Thank God almighty we're free at last.


Miguel De'Jesus a latino male standing about 6'4'' and very flamboyant
looks over at Anthony

Miguel: you know you shouldn't tease Dr. King like that.
Anthony: (laughs) why not?
Miguel: because of what he stood for, equal rights for ever--
Anthony: man, you can miss me with that civil rights bull shit.

as Carter and Anthony walk through the hallways they start to say their goodbyes which were more like "see you laters" seeing how most of the people that went to Webster.

as they walk outside they run into Jaqueline "Jaque" Nelson arguably one of the prettiest girl that goes to Webster. with light brown eyes, and jet black shoulder length, and a smile that would light up the darkest places on earth.

Jaque: What's up !?
Anthony: shit, I'm about to go home probably grab something to eat but after that I don't know.
Jaque: that's cool. What about you Carter?
Carter: (looking at a flyer a lady was passing out as the students were getting out of school) I may hit this party up...
Jaque & Anthony: what party?
Carter hands them the flyer.
Jaque: I heard about this place it's suppose to be pretty hype. My girl Lola went there before and said it was pretty coo-
Carter: wait Lola with the big...
Jaque : (narrows her eyes) Big what!?
Carter: big...big...big eyes
Jaque: yea I guess.
Anthony: yea I don't think I can go.
Jaque: Why not?
Anthony: cause I think my uncle has to work and I have to keep an eye on my lil brothers.
Carter: bring them fools with you.
Anthony: Do you realize who we're talking about?
Carter: yea I mean the twins are 14 and Vince is 15 it's about time they get into the party life.
Jaque: yea bring them along Tone, plus my girls Lola and Princess are going to be there. and Princess wants to see you.
Anthony: I guess I could bring them along...

later on that night.

Carter calls Anthony

Carter: ayo, You ready?

Anthony: nah, not yet still have to hop in the shower.

Carter: alright well I’m about to catch the train to your crib anyway.

Anthony: cool I should be out by the time you get here.

About 15 minutes later, Carter rings the Buzzer and Vince goes to answer.

Vince is one of Anthony’s younger brothers , he’s 15 and looks almost exactly like Anthony except he’s about 4 inches taller and has less facial hair and little more timid.

Carter: What’s up V-dog!

Vince: What’s up Carter.

Carter: So are you coming with us tonight?

Vince has a blank look on his face.

Anthony is standing behind Vince signaling Carter to be quiet about the party.

Vince turn Anthony

Vine: what is he talking bout Tone?

Anthony: nothing man don’t worry about it.

Carter: why you ain’t tell them about the party?

Anthony (to Carter): Shut the hell up!

Anthony (to Vince): Me, Carter and some more of my friends are going to a party at this new club

Vince: I want to go!

Anthony: No! Stay here and Keep and eye on Brian and Chris

Vince: What we’re like the same age!

Anthony: I know which is why you should all stay here and play the game all night or something, I’ll take you guys next time.

Vince: man whatever.

Carter rubs Vince’s head as they walk out

Carter: see you late kiddo.

Vince: shut up foo!

Carter and Anthony are walking to the subway as Carter’s phone rings

It’s Jaque

Carter: What’s up Jaque?

Jaque: where you at?!

The back round is muffled and the music is blasting

Carter: I can’t here you!...

Jaque: Where you at Boy?! You need to be here this party is knockin’ something serious.

Carter: Straight!?

Jaque: Yes, Get here now!

Carter turns to Anthony.

Carter: We need to be there NOW!

Carter and Anthony start to run toward the subway….

update.

dude
having no internet sucks all kinds of monkey doodle dick.

uhhh

so I have no job.
no money
no car.
kinda have no "house"

so...
what should I do!?
smile shit...

I'm alright I'll get me a job,job will get me money, money will get me car... and then I can hopifully get me a apt. so yea job hunting thursday...seriously

uhh still waiting on the GED results (might need to call them)
uhhh I love ALL my friends they're awesome

I've gotten into politics and the history channel a lot since no having a phone or the internet
it's kinda cool I actually like politics they're kinda funny

soooo

short Christmas list.

a digital camera
clothes I wear a medium in everything. 32 in pants...7 3/8 hats...
9 in shoes
money
and a drawing pad.
I also want a tattooing kit.

I got'em.

8 ball corner pocket

oh yea!

I went there now run along....
Kill Your Idols.