brick wall

I've been chasing this high for entirely too long.
The high I got when I first shot you into my bloodstream, and let all my problems and pains go.
the high I was on was surreal. After so long using you became normal and soon after that abusing also became normal. I would run to you everytime I had a speedbump in the road of life. Inject myself with the empty feelings of happiness and joy, and for split seconds in time everything actually seemed like it would be ok. I remember when I couldn't see myself being "ok" without you... I now know that I have to give up this drug. I have to detox myself and I have to go on with life sober. I can not lie I will miss the temporary solutions to my miniscule problems, but I know if I continue down this path I will end up overdosing.

long walks

trivial feelings.
nothing matters but the moment, she said.
as her lips met mine at that moment our souls intertwined and we were none...
not one, but none
this kiss that I longed for my whole life was nothing more
than random happenings of two hormonally charged kids
with no place to go and no feelings to give
no care in the world or no will to live
this all means nothing 30 seconds from here

goal.

sleep, watch game, eat, sleep, eat, sleep, watch game...sleep

oh the life.

I'm glad we're at an understanding.

with that said I need to masturbate.

-fin-

I'm glad to see you've settled down.

ashes to ashes
Or ashes to wine.
wine til we're drunk and we'll all be just fine
No memories for the morning, my vodka is mine
get so lost in the liquor I lose all track of time
Waking up on strange streets corners, where's that vodka that was once mine?
me and vodka have become one I noticed the signs when I went blind...
My eyesight gone, it's me against the world.
But tomorrow's another night ... another glass, another hurl.
the "best" sex of my life with an anonymous girl.
I used to stand tall now I am limber.
drunken stutter I fall yelling "Timber!"
there goes another memory I won't remeber...


-Khloe Daniels & Brandon "Dino" Brown.


I love you, you should never have a doubt in your mind.
but we've toyed with emotions so.
are relationship was once played out in songs...
and the most recent was "hate that I love you"
the line goes
"I hate how much I love you girl,
I can't stand how much I need you"

I admit I do feel like you're the only person I could turn too sometimes.
and that may be wrong, I put all my trust into a person who wasn't ready for it.
and that what makes this so hard I feel like it's all my fault although most of these circumstances I can't control.
but WE must remember no one is to blame and no one is at fault.
I love you, I always will...

Chillin with Thee Conz about to head to RockIt Man's As soon as Keeler gets here. Today is going to be great I promise!

Vurt

Today's mother day...
I hate that I can't take my mom out to some cool place for breakfast, I hate that I never got the chance to go shopping a few days prior to mother's day scrambling to find something just perfect for the most important person in my life... I hate the fact I was forced into emotions I can't control. Mother's day has never been a good day for me nor my birthday or Christmas or any other holiday where these angry confused emotions that I can't control come back even worse than the regular days...

My eye itches.

1st mobile blog. How the fuck are you? That's great! Can't wait for my bday which is in 23 days

as I'm the worst of all.

I'm trying to paint a portrait...
but you don't look the same...
and everytime the brush hits the canvas...
All I draw are blanks...
Your eyes used to calm me
Your smile used to put me in a daze
I'm trying to capture them both...But you don't look the same
The person who's posing for me isn't the person I used to see

I keep painting and it's becoming clear The person I love just isn't here...

So now a blank portrait hangs in the gallery of my mind
No face just a frame
But it's ok you keep moving foward
And as for me it's back to the drawing board.

She says she loves me, but....

do you remember 12/29?

I do, I remember January 12th also...
I remember February 18th I remember everything.
I have a broken heart. You have a broken heart and we're both to damn "proud" to get them fixed.

fucked I know...

my friends all lie and say they only want the best wishes for me...

Hello blog world
How the fuck are you doing?

My birthday is approching and it's weird cause I'm not excited, but then again I never am...

I want MTV to give me a fucking tv show...
Or atleast my friend circle it'd be amazing to watch my life played out on a tv. Shit would be awesome as fuck. Me and Conz thought about it
They would have to 3 cameras following 3 of of us at all times it'd be great.
Matter of fact I think I'm going to write it in...

I'll cry...

You're everything I knew!

From roses to razorblades to words that mean less than either...we all pass them out.

I rode by the cemetary yesterday and it didn't hurt I just waved and kept going...
I used to mentally breakdown when that happened but now it's cool. I'd of course rather ride by an appartment complex or a place of work but oh well...

I am learning to enjoy the moment forgetting the past and not worrying about the future to much.

"Your memories are immortal, not you...but your memories and thoughts"- Berris (under the influence)
that was some deep shit for a high ass nigga to say...

Fuckin' Lions better do something this year or I'll be up-fucking-set as hell!

This post is all over the place I know...but fuck you! Lol

Someone needs to loan me like 250 bucks ASAP.

I want the "Raging Bull" Air Jordan V package, the Sidekick LX '09 or the samsung Memoir and another tattoo for my birthday...oh yea and my got damned baby back.

I'm afraid.
(Why are you afraid, Dino?)

I'm afraid because I don't think I'll be in your future...
and it'll be my own fault because soundtrack to suicide keeps playing on my mental stereo.

I've kinda come to terms with my mom not being around and that scares the fuck out of me as well. I feel like I forget to think about her un purposely (of course) but I still find my self forcing memories to come back to me. I feel like she's dying once more since all I know is mourning for her and now I'm not anymore and I'm not sure how to handle it. Like I feel if I'm happy about this I'll be wrong, and if I'm upset about it I'm also wrong.

I spent most of my life trying to find that comfort and once I found it. I was happy and then some signals got crossed and shit got switched and now I'm trying to get the comfort of that hug back.
I'm trying to get the girl who was so sure she wanted to be Mrs. Brandon J. Brown.
I understand she needs time to figure herself out. But I just wished it'd be quicker lol.
But we all know you can't rush perfection. (allthough she was already perfect in my eyes) I love you...and I hope things work out between us and if not then I hope things work out for both of us lol.

Well I'm outta here folks "Family Matters" is on and it's 5 in the morning.

are you ADHD!

N.E.R.D concert deux

Crowd surfed got dropped, moshed got punched,
Spazzing the fuck out...
I love my ever extending family I.e. friends

Kasey kicked my ass in MK vs. DC

Boomsheeka!

uhh chillin' here with Kasey. Got smacked with the nostalgia stick, all the crazy shit I did in 9th and 10th grade. I remember everyone thought me and N!kki P. were dating cause we made out like everyday damn near nonestop. I remember the promise I made to Kasey that once she "grew up" I'd date her. I remember that enormous foodfight in the lunch room. I remember being a "rapper" haha...

I'm not going to judge anyone by theire reputations, because today disproved a lot of shit.

Lets Jam!

Woke up to a swolen lip. Shit hurt like hell... I guess I bit my lip while I was sleep and caused it to happen.
I took out my lip ring... for about 10 mins and put it back in. (Painful but worth it.)

These past few days have been weird to say the least. I've pushed a few people to edge with my back against the wall. Nonetheless (is that one word?) it seemed like all that pushing was in vain since I feel I've become closer to you all, atleast it seems.

In other news Octopussy is on encore and it makes me want to be a spy. Like on some forserial shit how do you get a job like that?!
I always wondered what quilifies you to be great enough to be "assassinated" instead of being "murdered".
Not saying I want to be assassinated but I want to be great enough to the point were if I am murdered it would be. (If that makes any sense.)

Well those were my random thoughts of the day I'll holla niggas!

area codes.

1. Grr... we will never stop.
2. I'm diggin' you, you diggin' me. I just have a feeling we'll get stuck in the "friend zone"
3. I don't want to know yo life I really just wanna smash.
4. You cool, but you want to much and I just can't give it to you. I wish you would realize that.
5. Funny how time changes shit. Ain't it...?
6. Bestfriend exfriends to the end, better off as lovers but not the other way around.
7. Damn you Jamicans and Germans.
8. I wish we could get those old days back.
9. Come back, please...?
10. So you gay, but you like niggas but you gay so you like bitches...?
8+2 simple rules for dating somebodies daughter.

I'll admit I've always had lady problems. Probably always will. Eh..

this is a stick up.

Like you...
I don't know how to feel.

As the days go by I am losing the thought of "our daughter" the one you want to dress up in little swimsuits and parade her around. I am losing sight of our wedding day. I am losing site of us even hanging out on my birthday after your prom. =/

My feelings are still here but I don't know if I want them, only because I don't know where we stand anymore... and I am also tired of talking about I just want "us" back, and I understand you're not ready for that again and it hurts to know, but it'd be selfish to not let you get whatever it is you have out of your system.

Grr..

just shoot me.

Niggas be wildin'

I'm on my way to the free ass hell N.E.R.D concert. To bad it's all dark and gloomy lookin' oh well, Pretty much everybody important will be there haha.

I'm about to go holla at a few skeezers. Just to see if I still have it. Who the fuck am I kidding?! I am Brandon "Dino Mothafuckin" Brown. Of course I still have it. I made it and sold that shit to the masses. Haha.
Yea I got a big ego so swallow that or suck a dick either way I'm still the shit.

It's this creepy guy on the bus who won't stop looking at me. I can honestly say since I got my lip pierced I've been gettin a hell of a lot more judgmental looks. It's funny and fucked up all at the same time.

In other news I'm going to see my mommy tomorrow haven't went to see her since fall. We got a lot of catching up to do. I'm starting to except the fact she's not physically here a lot more within the past coupld of days. I know I'll probably never be 100% ok with that fact but I'm working on it.

Peace out pimps and pimpettes.

posting. setting. layout.

always strapped when I hit the club...
niggas give me dap...
bitches give me hugs.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?

If I'm a joke you're the punchline.
tomorrow will kick off an experiment.
I can not unveil the details just yet but if everything goes right
a few hearts will be broken
a few egos will be bruised
a few lies will be told
a few truths as well.
I few will see heaven
the rest will see....well
nothing in particular
oblivion will come to those who don't....
comply with I.

tell me something...

196 contacts in my phone.
1,026 friends on facebook
509 friends on myspace
16 followers on twitter
8 followers on blogspot. (Not including those who "sneak" follow me)

And I can't talk to any of them. I mean I could, but would they understand me? Would they judge me? Would they automactically stereotype me as a "problem child"?
Some say they don't judge and are open to except new things and ideas. But I know for a fact that's a lie. We do it unknowingly. We as people tend to stick to our "own kind" thus casting everyone else into their respective group. Some claim to be blind to societies standards and look at people for who they are but that again is impossible it's almost human instinct to want to be better than the next (wo)man. Constantly trying to one up someone even if it's our own selves. We must be the best. Good isn't ever good enough and better is even worse.

As much as I hope and pray for world peace I know it's damn near futile. A good friend of mine once said "there will never be world peace. Even if it's on man on earth, because it'll always be self-conflict" which made me think... what the fuck am I doing here?

Wanna Watch Lion King?!

Soooo I must admit when you speak of "V" it makes me sick.

I also must admit that the best part of beLIEve is the lie.
So believe me when I say that I'm lying.

Today I had a breakdown but it didn't last long thanks to the daring rescue of Thee Conz. Better know as Constance-Marie. I feel like I'm losing myself all over again though. Like I feel myself being more and more angry every day. I am not sure why I am becoming "meaner" but I just need some alone time to think.
I used to be afriad of being alone because my thoughst would run rampid and I'd scare the fuck out of myself with all the crazy shit I came up with. I think it's time to go back to "thoughtland" and face those demons that somehow find themselves at the forfront of my mind...

pick me! pick me! pick me!

I wish.
it's gunna suck when you lose everything.

Spy.

Don't ask for permission just ask for forgiveness.

Can you miss something you never really lost? 'Cause I sure as hell do miss myself.

I was looking at a pic of me in the 10th grade and I miss him.
I was Brandon then, not Dino, not Zew/Zoo, it was after Binky.
It was before the lovedrunk person who feels as if he can't stand alone.

I stood alone, by myself just me and my addictions I had no problems in the world.
I never showed my real eyes because of two reasons they were always bloodshot due to the lack of sleep and all the drugs. The other reason was because I didn't like people being able to view my soul. I liked my people like cross country racing I needed some distance. haha
but no one knew what was going on in my head not even me at some times. and I liked it. it gave me a edge if I felt threatened I could quickly shut down the fort and that'd be the it.
now I have friends that I actually care about and care about me... and I feel if anyone cares about you you will let them down at one point and time and vis versa. Which is where i get even more confused.

WHY THE FUCK DO I KEEP ALLOWING MYSELF TO GET HURT?

the drugs the drugs all the drugs.
I wish it was that easy to just go back to be being Brandon from the 10th grade.
but I know it would hurt everyone who cares and I just can't do that to them.
vicious Masochism cycle of pleasure, passion, and pain.

GuessWho

I know you missed me.

I've been on a roller coaster of emotions for the past week and a half.

eh.

"I am addicted to the way I feel when I think of you...."
you'll never know who that's about don't ask.

"I swallowed pride but spit out fire"
you'll also never know who that was about

"I'm the kind of kid who never lets anything go, but you wouldn't know a good thing if it came up in slit your throat."
again you'll never know.

"Prescribed pills to offset the shakes to offset the pills..."
you're gettin' good at this never knowing thing.

"Baby seasons change but people don't...."
nah, guess again.

"this story's getting old a home wrecker with a heart of gold."
yea, uhhh no.

toy soildiers

I should have just thrown it away when I had the chance buried with the corpse they put in the ground.

I still love you, but I feel like you love someone else and I can't handle it. I hate that (S)HE happened though.

I miss David, Jordan, and Kyle, I can not wait until the summer I have some shit to do.

applied to work at Cedar Point today, I really don't want to go but if i do it'll be an experience I guess.

Nostalgia is a bitch with teeth in her vagina.

strike

they way you move when you sleep.
the way you look before you leap.
the strange illusions that you keep.
you don't know what I'm noticing.

I've change for the worse.
I've started to care about the curse
I've got rid of the hunger and the thirst.
I miss the old me.

go ahead and pull the trigger
end the misery but don't stop the music
it's enough to make you sick.
the audacity and the anticipation.

food for thought riddle writing.

Bowling Pins.

when the truth is let out and all the hearts are broken
there might be enough dust and residue to make a line to snort.

we're standing still but I don't know where we are, but we're standing together.
I want less you want more we all want the same thing as before

dreams are dreams thats all they are
in a violent less war we both end up with battle scars

the instrumentals to the music in my mind just skipped
I don't know if you heard it, but now my rhythm is a little off.

enough riddle writing.


I hoped you liked it

hell or glory I don't want anything in between.

Ok I like Prom Queen.
it grew on me... but fuck you sue me!

ummm
I have nothing profound to write right now.
I really really really want/need a new phone.
I went on a old Fall Out Boy trip last night and it reminded me a lot of my old self and how much I've changed not necessarily for the better or worse but just changed. It's weird.

uhh
I need some more blogs to follow so if you read my blog speak up I wanna get to know some folks.

oh I am such a masochist

Dug this up...


uhh on to the real post.
I have been coaching a few friends of mines, and I can't help but to feel a tad bit bad.
only on the count I often detach myself from reality and go on with life with a nonchalant attitude. Making it seem more often than not I don't care about anything.
except the few (very few) things I openly express care for (i.e my friends, my fam and... breathing) but other than that I don't care.

a kid got raped and murdered...I often find myself trying to feel pain where there is none.
I figure if I don't know the kid why should t matter to me. I try my damndest to come up with something but again more often than not...it get pushed out of the doors of my memory bank without making any deposit.

I know what you're saying. "Dino you probably would feel something if it hit closer to home..."
and to that I say you're probably right, but I don't want to wait for heartbreak.
I'll probably always detach my feelings from certain situations and reattach them when I feel find it convenient for me.

"I asked her what was worse, ignorance or apathy?"
she said "I don't know and I don't care"

ay.

playing GTA III. classic.

I am pretty content.
nothing really to be worried about...
I need me a job a new one and a good one.
atleast so I could get my own apt. or car.
I'll go searching soon like Monday probably

I have so many thoughts running ramped in my mind it's scary...
I am currently thinking up a story line for a drawing I did if it's good once I am done thinking it'll eventually make it's way to cyberspace.

fuck you Amber!

So I'm hanging with Berris, Christian, and the almighty Taqee right...
and we're starting a band...

Christian: lead guitarist.
Taqee: Bass.
Berris: Drummer
and I of course am on the vocals...

name: Penguin Riot!

so yea we're prob about to go scoop ATB and then go to Chilli's random shit to do on a friday night...

faces in the crowd.

Day 2 of facebook boycott.

I'm doing fine.
I honestly hate the fact that I allowed my life to be so wrapped up in facebook.
pretty crazy.

My Alarm clock just went off and it's about 9:33.
I've always set my clock at the most random times just to be different...

I told India a secret that I have never told anyone else. I think I kinda scared her =(
not in a way where'd she wouldn't wanna be with me anymore but in another way like I kinda told her and it put a lot of shit into a different perspective.

Some days I trick myself into believing she's still around, It helps until I snap back into reality.
not long ago I seen a kid walking down the street with his mother asking all kinds of questions I figured he couldn't be anymore then 6, and then I realized the kid in me had died. I was once that kid asking all the questions, I was once that kid making sure to grab mommy's hand before crossing the street, I was once that kid...and now I'm not. Haven't been since the day she left.
I stopped asking questions, I stopped looking for the hand that once helped me crossed the street, because I cross it alone, I stopped being a kid... and as much as I'd hate to admit I still wanna be that kid.

My mind is a safe.

GRRR!

I haven't blogged in a min.
sorry folks.
but updates!

uhh I want a new phone. :)
I'll probably wait until my birthday to get it I want the Samsung Memoir



yea it's an 8 megapixel camera and a phone.

other news... uh It's My sister's birfday :) she's 23 and she's preggers I'll find out if I'm having a neice or a nephew in about 2 weeks or so. I also played the lottery for the first time today and I won! I played the Megamillions I won 3 bucks. which is pretty good if you ask me. since i only spent a buck on the ticket. I've also seem to have gotten over my dyslixic anger fits. I used to have them really bad but now I can read a whole novel and the words won't switch up on me and I won't get frustrated. I'm giving up facebook for Lint, well not really cause I am not the reliogous folk but I think I spend to much time on it and I should start doing other shit like reading for instanst. so out with facebook and in with real ones lol. I also decided to spend more time with my family. Uhh.... I don't know what else to blog about.

but yea thats about it for the update so later folks.

Ihatemyselftoo..

I admire you. always know and believe that. Everything you have been through and all that you still endure you're a strong person.

I am beginning to hate you. you have made me. I don't understand why you claim pain.

I hope you grow up soon.

the pros and cons of breathing are beginning to become slighted toward the cons.

4-4-09 can't come fast enough.

I'm fucking you tonight.

I'm ok folk.

ignore the last entry.

We're back together and I am fine she's fine and we're working on making our relationship better.


God I know i wasn't really "old" enough to appreciate the '90's.
but dammnit I miss them
all the NO Limit anthems, Biggie, Tupac, Aaliyah, Monica, Brandy, Jodaci, the Hot Boyz.
living life without any worries... staying up all night with my cousins on the porch. teaching my nephew D'shawndre how to walk...

shit is crazy how time flies.

my suicide note.

SO me and India broke up.
we need "time" apart. i guess.
We're suppose to be getting back together but I don't know if that's going to work out.
I love her with every fiber of my being. and it hurts like hell knowing I can no longer make her happy as i once did.

I'm currently running this razor blade along my wrist vertically of course, I feel dead.
I feel the same way I did the day I went to my mothers funeral. heartbroken and lifeless.
I know I may have made a mistake by letting her become the sole reason as to why I wake up...
but hell I couldn't help it. after so long of detaching my emotions from the rest of me, I finally found some one I could be whole with and she loved me for me.

My deepest fear used to be emotions.
but after meeting her and falling in "love" countless times my deepest fear became the fact that one day I was going to die and leave her, leave her here without me to love her.
now I don't know what I fear since I kind of feel like i should go ahead and let this razor penetrate my skin so I could bleed until I feel none of these emotions anymore.
bleed until I don't feel anything anymore
bleed until what is left of my heart runs dry.

Nazi!

I'm a mess but you're worse

Don't forget how well I really know you.

You know what I love about life? The part were you realize that everything is out of your control
and you finally let "life" run its course of inevitable destruction .
I am not saying speed up this process by no means do I want the blood of any suicidal teens on my hands. I am just saying let shit go, life's problems eventually fix themselves. "No pain last forever"
I don't know who said it, but it's some true shit.

"if seconds heal all wounds,
I'll put these tips on you
When faith is left to prove
It's all you'll have to lose"

-Brenden Urie of Panic at the Disco
from the song "One of Those Nights" by the The Cab

just one of those nights.

What is "Love"?

bed spread bandit since '89

This is it, Call it quits with honesty

ok so I finally figured out who sings this song called "Bounce" it's by The Cab.

I fuckin' love them.
they are one of my "new" favorite bands.

I almost lost my job today.
whomp whomp
almost doesn't count though so who give a FUCK!
I am gettin' my tattoo tommorow (I always put two m's instead of two r's) well tech. today...

I decided to get the heart with the question mark pierced through it.
and maybe just maybe my lip tattoo :)

that is all folks

этот быть принадлежащий мне любовь

I love her.

Nothing in this world have ever made me more happy than seeing her face . Never ever will I ever love another as much as her.

Dreaming of her makes me want to sleep forever but it is all the better when I awake because she is never to far away.

I need her, I often say I need when it is only a want but I try to function without her, and it fails.
It fails so bad I go into panic and frantically dial her number just to hear her voice.

All that I do can be traced back to her she is my everything my world. If I lost her I am sure I would plummet from the tower I stand on when I think of her.


she makes me feel so so so... COMPLETE no one else can compete in my mind
but of course she shall remain nameless until you read between the lines.

interview

here is another exclusive Interview from Dino Brown
national radio personnel

it's 2:20 am and as usual the man is awake.

Calvin Oakfiled: What's up Dino?!
Dino:...nothing much, yo. Just chillin', loving life and whatnot.
CO: Cool, cool. We have heard you have some new projects for the year. would you like to touch on thoses.
Dino: Yea, I am working with soundofsoul radio. That's a internet radio station ran by my close friend Stacy'e Jones out of Detroit, MI. We're currently trying to get this audio comic book type thing into action. they of course want my voice (laughs)
CO: That sounds cool. Do you know what the comic is and the title?
Dino: Yea, but I can't disclose that info as of now.
CO: That's cool. So how is your personal life?
Dino: Great it's a new year, which means new opportunities. Me and My fiance are great. We have a cat, he's a handful.
CO: What is his name.
Dino: (laughs) I knew this was coming. His name is Mr. King Bartholomew Aluicious Henry the Third the Second
CO: Whoa, Who named the cat that?
Dino: Me of of course.
CO: I figured, Well that wraps up our time folks.

this has been a Kyi production paid for by the f-u pay me foundation.

un huh!

I walk on the brink of sanity and that which is not.
not necessarily insanity just not sane.

I have been this way for a long while.
tip toeing along the lines of mental soundness.
I sometimes catch myself before I completely dive into the ocean of unstable thoughts.

I don't have much to talk about now-a-days.
sucks because I hate idleness. It allows me to have to much time with my thoughts
which as you can see isn't a very good thing for to long.

India's Mom said she was going to take us to church one day. It made me laugh which I think offended her, I said I wasn't going to go which I am sure offended her more. But I honestly don't care, not to be rude or anything but if i wanted to be lied to I would go to a strip club.
I just hate the fact that most churches preach money money money, and a lot of the pastors are low key drug dealers/pimps/rappers.

well I am done with this one.

p.s

bring it back to the bottom of the map!

I was going to write something profound, but I of course forgot as I usually do.

for some odd reason I have been utterly pissed with human kind as a whole since the new year rang in.
I don't know but it seems as if people want to put up this facade of change so they can be "cool".
Man fuck that...
if you're an Ignorant fuck be that, don't through a few "big" words in your vocab to make yourself seem more intellectual it's not going to work.

man fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
bye