nah...

ok so I may sound totally and completely ignorant but...

why is everyone's panties in a fucking bunch about life?
it's life.
LIVE IT.
my true beliefs are pretty mangled and hard to explain but
honestly in my opinion Life is not serious at all.
and it's starting to irk my nerves at the fact people are freaking out about getting into their dream college and getting their dream house and all this other crap.
hell the way the economy is going it won't be jobs by the time we get out of college any damn way.
so fuck it.
party
drink
make mistakes...
some wise old fucker once said
the biggest mistake you'll make in life is worrying about making one.

so fuck it make life a trial and error.
that's what I plan on doing.

Studio 19 (part IV) way overdue I know sorry.

we last left off with Evan asking Anthony can she make him a proposition

Anthony- (uneasily) what might that be...?
Evan- first, do you have any problems with the police or any other authority figures
Anthony- Nah...clean
Evan-good, good...so here's the proposition I need you to sell some of my merchandise (making the bunny ear motion often used to indicate quotes)
Anthony- If you're talking about drugs. Nah...I'm cool
Evan- why do you assume it's drugs?
Anthony- just sounds like the drug game
Evan (luaghs) you're a smart kid, It's good to see that now days.
Anthony -I guess
Evan- well I'm going to give you my number and I want you think about it, think about all the money you'll see.
Anthony (laughing) Cool
Evan- You have a cell phone?
Anthony- yea...
Evan- well save my number it's 232-5555
Anthony- cool, it's saved.
Evan- well I'll let you get back to your lil girlfriend.
Anthony- (smiling) not yet.


Anthony goes back into the dancefloor area and looks for his friends he then spots them and goes back to them

Carter- where were you bro?
Anthony- talkin to the owner
Carter-Straight! what was that about?
Anthony- she needs some help with some stuff and she wanted to know if I was able to help.
Carter- What she need help with?
Anthony- Nothing
Carter- haha ok.
Princess- (talking to Anthony) Hey baby...
Anthony- Baby?
Princess- my bad no means to offend
Anthony- you didn't baby.

Princess smiles and starts dancing on Anthony.
across the room Chase Martin and his bestfriend Ivan Webster
Ivan was known for being one of the "richest kids in the whole city" with a new 2009 Grand Prix and all the newest kicks and clothes

Ivan- who was that girl you was dancing with?
Chase- her name is Lola she goes to Web.
Ivan- she hot.
Chase yea...I might call her.
Ivan- at least so you can hit and run
Chase- haha yea.
Ivan- she got any friends?
Chase- yea a few...I don't know where they at though.

they then walk over to the the crowd of the Webster kids.

Ivan- (to Jaque) Wanna dance....?
Jaque-(still very high) hell naw! I wanna fuck (laughing)
Ivan- that could be arranged?
Jaque- really now?
Ivan- hell yea.
Jaque- what's yo name?
Ivan- Ivan.
Jaque- I'm Jaque.
Ivan- C'mon Jaque lets go outside and talk

they both walk out Chase and Lola follow.
then the party starts to let out...

Ivan- so how you getting home?
Jaque- me and Lola gonna hop on the train.
Ivan- you ain't gotta do that...
Jaque- why not?
Ivan- I can take you home...
Chase- but ya'll should come to my house though my moms gone outta town and i got the apt to myself for the weekend.
Lola- (to Jaque) you wanna go?
Jaque- if I can get some dick hell yea...you wanna go?
Lola- I don't know
Jaque- c'mon Lolo tell yo mama you're spending the night at my house.
Lola- (excitingly) yea that'll work
Lola- (to Chase and Ivan) Lets go....

country bumpkin

so yea I'm sitting here eating sunflower seeds with my baby.
so what?
SUE ME.
earlier we talked about our wedding day.
and bit you better be there.

tis all
(man I love her)

to you.

hello world.
how are you?
-good
That's wonderful.

Me and India had a talk last night.
I think it helped.
I hate being misunderstood, as far as my actions and words.
and I feel as if we were not on the same page and hopefully we are now.
I tried my best to explain my thought process out, I know it's some things I'll never understand an I'm trying to come to a point o contentment with that but sometimes it's just hard. I know for a fact I'd be in a whole (literally) if it wasn't or India though she keeps me grounded and I sometimes feel bad because I bring her into my problems but it's not intentional she's just one o the only persons I've been able to completely connect without feeling like I'm insane or vulnerable. I wish my pain wasn't hurting her or me.
I should be fine soon thought the rink opens in a month and I'm going to have money and a new phone and a car!
gah I can't wait til Christmas I have a feeling this year will be different.


in other news I miss Steve Erwin

ring around the rosy.

Quarter brick, half a brick, whole brick AYY

my head music is on shuffle
and I can seem to find any music I want to listen to.
maybe my subconscious wnats me to hear "More to Life" by Stacy Orico
or "My Heart is the worse kind of weapon" by Fall Out Boy...
because I can't seem to stop uttering the line
"Spent most of last night draining this lake full or corpses of all my past mistakes"
seeing how last night I dreamed about my days in high school which I often refer to my trial and error phase of life. I guess last night was my night to get it off my conscious and into the past were it is and forever will be.

If only I could do that with all my life's hang-ups just write them off as void as I've longed to do so for some time now. Like the fact I am still upset at times about her leaving me and the fact I sometimes still wonder if he is wondering about me, or... what if I didn't want those damn chips so bad would I still have my cousin.
but I can't. These thoughts are persistent coming at random times and often over staying their welcome in the wonderful amusement park that I call a mind.
I often blame myself for the things that happen to me writing it of as Karma for something a past life has done or better yet something I've yet to do. In turn making me question the "Mechanics of The Universe" which I put so much faith in trust into.
trusting it to work the way it should and believing everything happens for a reason
and usually at this part Fall Out Boy lyrics pop into my head again from the song "Sophomore slump or the comeback of the year" that goes "the best part of beLIEve is the Lie.
making me think am I feeling myself up with false hope?

and as fast as the music came it changed back to Gucci Mane.
Quarter pound, half a pound, whole pound AYY
100 pills, 1,000 pills servin' major Weight!

Christmas list

my Christmas list.

Money. any amount will do. (to feed my tattoo addiction, pay for some of my schooling, and toward my car)
Shoes. (Dunks, Vans,Jordans The XV/VIII Countdown pack)[size 9]
Clothes (Tees size Medium. Pants 32/34. Fitted hats 7 3/8)
Digital Camera (Kodak)
Cellular Phone (T-mobile Sidekick, or T-mobile G1)
Guitar

yepp that's about it.


[other updates Studio 19 (IV) coming soon)]

grand openng?

this is the victory lap and I'm leaving!

want to know something about me?
yes, why yes I do.

I'm pretty fucking emotionless when it comes to shit I should care about
apathy?
nah it's deeper.
because if it was shear apathy I wouldn't car about me not caring.
ya'dig?
I find myself not giving a fuck about something and then wondering why don't I give a fuck and then stop giving a fuck about not giving a fuck.
see the spiraling mirror effect of this problem?
si senor...
I don't know what it is.
starting to not give a fuck again...
damn
this was redundant.

FIN

October. Kittens. Pi

if I had a billion dollars.
I'd go totally fuckin crazy
and buy random shit.

I'm watching the Debate and I kinda wanna push this old fucker over.
(McCain that is)
like seriously he looks like a goblin.

serious time.
I'm drifting from myself, I usually have a "go get it" attitude about everything but as of late
I've been waiting for shit to come to me.
so I'm going to put this thing in effect starting next Monday
I'm going to ask my sisters to help me get my license so I can at least have that.
and I'm going to go job hunting again and this time I won't stop until I have one.
that way I can get me a car.
I'll be happy if I have a car.

I really wanna work at the Rink this year but I'm not sure if I'll be able to.
I mean it's a sure fire job but I don't know if I can wait that long
and if I do get a job between now and then will they clash.
fuck it.
I'm working at the rink and then I'm going to work with my sister at the rainbow health care place and then I'm moving to Lansing (hopefully)

plan in motion starting Monday seriously.
I need to call Mike also to see if I still have a job at the rink hell.
I'm sure he'll give me my job back just need to make sure.

so Ballin' check me out.

Happy Birthday!
Patricia Ann Brown
I Love You!

hope you're partying up there!
=)

My Achellis' heel

Why the fuck am I up at 2:24am?
not a clue.
I'm thinking a lot.
at how life is such a roller coaster.
I have my ups an downs.
like today...
started off good,went downhill,went up a little bit,went way back down,went up really high,
and it's slowly creepy down this hill again.

I can't shake this sucky ass thought
that keeps coming into my head
like everytime I think of India
I think of our future
our future
contains 2 nice cars, a nice house somewhere warm, and a few kids.
then that thought leads to how it suck bloody balls
that my children will never get to meet their grandmother (on my side) in person.
I hate the fact I have to go to a grave to "see" my mommy period
but it is going to suck when one of my children are going to ask about my mom.
How do I explain that she's not able to be here?
I'm not mad, it just sucks that she didn't get to see any of her kids graduate from HS.
any of them turn 18
any of her grandchildren.
I sometimes wish I could wake up and this all be a really long redundant dream
and She'd be gettin' me ready for my first day of third grade all over again.

=(

I sometimes have weird impulses

so I figured it out.

8 ball, corner pocket.
I refuse to fuck this one up for myself
this is one of the best things to happen to me and I'm going to treat it as such.

now I just need a hug.

Sarah Failin

I could so see this happening.
:(

Studio 19 (III)

as Jaque,Lola, Aurora, and Princess walk back into the lights of the club.
The drugs start to kick in and the lights become more vibrant and the music takes control
with every beat Jaque's heart jumps a pace faster Princess' and Lola had yet to feel the effects of the drugs continued to dance.

Jaque-(talking to Aurora) You ok!?
Aurora- Yea, you?
Jaque-Of course I'm perfectly fine
Princess- this bitch ain't no fine.
Aurora- I know!

Lola sees her friends from school Amanda , Mariah, and Tamela, the average "smart" girls of the school

Mariah- (to Lola) Hey, whats up Lolo
Lola- nothing (slurring her words)
Mariah and Tamela- What's wrong?
Amanda- She high.
Lola- I'm not hi-how you know!?
Amanda- your pupils are dilated
Lola- Whatever.
Amanda-What did you take?
Lola- some X.
Mariah- What!? where'd you get it from?
Lola- Jaque...
Princess- what ya'll over here talking about? (also slurring her words)
Tamela- you got some too!?
Princess- (playing "dumb") got some what!?
Tamela - some X.
Princess- yea...
Mariah, Amanda, and Tamela- We want some!

back to Carter Anthony, and Miguel who were wondering where the girls had went to.

Carter- Damn females piss for a long ass time
Anthony- you know they always gotta go in packs for moral support and shit.
Miguel- seriously they have been gone for a long ass time.
Carter- Lets go find these be-yotches!
Anthony- yea c'mon

Carter finds Jaque dancing irractically

Carter-what the hell you doin'?
Jaque- Dancing, shit I'm horny...
Anthony-What!? Where is Princess and the rest of the girls.
Jaque- somewhere in this damn place! it's hot!

Anthony and Miguel leave Carter with Jaque and go search for Princess and the rest of the girls

Anthony- (to Miguel) there's Aurora
Miguel- and there's Lola and Amanda, and Tamela, and Mariah.
Anthony- when'd they get here.
Miguel- I don't know (laughing)
Anthony- (to princess) Hey baby
Princess- Heeeeeyyy
Anthony- What's up with you why you seem so so so off.?
Princess- Fuck it's so hot it here, are you hot?
Anthony- yea a lil.
Princess c'mon lets go outside.
Anthony- ok...
Princess- (to Lola and the rest of the gang) Me and Tone are about to go outside.

as they walk outside they start a small talk conversation and then proceeds to go back intot he club. but Anthony is stopped by a seeminly older female by the name of Evan she intoduces herself to Anthony as the owner of Studio 19.

Evan-So what's ya'name kid?
Anthony- Tone.
Evan- (to Princess) is this your boyfriend sweety?
Princess- (not sure how to answer) Nah...
Evan so you don't mind if I talk to him in private do you?
Princess- not at all

Evan opens the door for Princess and then grabs Anthony's hand and take him up a flight of stairs and into an office

Evan- So how old are you Tone?
Anthony- 17
Evan- cool cool...you smoke?
Anthony- Nah.

Evan lights a cigerette

Evan- I have a propostion for you...
Anthony- (uneasily) what might that be...?

venom in the veins

[grabs pistol]

aims
shoot
gotcha!

never have I ever been so deep in love.
seriously.

I want some TacoBell.

Taco and I haven't hung out in a while.

If I were to ever get put to death I'd want to be hanged (yea technically it's hanged, not hung)

I currently have a nosebleed.

I have some really bad insecurities that become prevalent only when I think about us not being together.
I'm working on them.

Key is my nigga.

I was not raised by Phillip Anthony Troy Jr.

I'm updating Studio 19 tonight be ready.
I've guess I'm gunna make it a weekly thing until I'm done which should be in about 3-5 more weeks

Gah I really wanna move but I'm not sure if that's gunna happen anymore

I honestly never had a favorite super hero growing up.

I'm going to hug the hell outta Khloe, Key, Kenzie, Conz, Bonnie, Devin, Boopie, Nai,Dani, Ducky, and Whit when I see them.

I can't wait for my rap career to jump off!

I miss my Yalies Steven Andrew Banks, and Brandon Morell Keeler. gitdefukbakhernah!

Kyle Tyler is also a whoreface for having a natural talent.

I think thats enough of the random shit,

a night cap.

I have a few insecurities, but I will not be discussing those here.
at least not now.

uhh as far as my views on life I have three eyes.

one side (the protagonist)
the opposing side (the antagonist)
and then the 3 side I call it the sitcom view

that one person on the outside looking in.
the person not directly involved in the whole situation/problem/whatever
that can see both sides clearly.
I have that view on most things
not saying I don't have my share of problems and I don't pick sides but I usually look at the whole picture first before making my assessment

I suggest you try to take this aprroch on life.

uhh in other news
"an ounce of doubt, is still doubt"

meaning if you don't believe in something wholeheartedly then you don't believe
I was talking to India today about ourselves and our "flaws" although I don't believe anyone has any.

but yea I've noticed something about her a while ago but it never really bothered me and still doesn't
but anyway what I noticed is that she is "afraid of her own thoughts" if that makes any sense but yea Like she'll bite her tongue because she doesn't want to be wrong or sound "stupid" but when it really comes down to it she is very intellectual, and I see her as a very intelligent person but it seems to me that she's to afraid to speak her mind or "think" for that matter

I don't want to get into anymore because I feel I'm gossiping but yea

I want to go see religioulous (I'm not sure if thats how you spell it but hell)
seems like a good documentary